Cross My Heart
by Mango-llama
Summary: When Merlin falls pregnant, she finds that not every aspect of her life was destined by the seers of old. Vicious rumors tear through the castle, friends turn against friends and the lines between love and hate are blurred as fate takes a very different turn. fem!Merlin, Merdred, Arwen, Merthur, onesided-Gwerlin.
1. The First Time

**Hello there! I'm new here, so please be nice! The inspiration for this story came from Maroon 5's song 'One More Night'.  
Merlin is a woman in this story, and is only four years older than Mordred. This story will have hints of Merthur in it, as well as a onesided thing Gwaine has for Merlin.  
Enjoy and let me know what you think! **

* * *

The first time it happened, Merlin told herself it was also the last time.

"See that Merlin" Arthur gestured to Mordred, who was collecting firewood. The young knight looked up at her and the king wearily. "Its nice to see someone actually doing some work rather than having a little lie down"

She had been angry before, she had been utterly furious before. She had grabbed the power of Life and Death by the throat with her bare hands to replace Gaius for Nimueh, but this was a different brand of anger. Rage.

For a mere minute she had laid on the grass to regain her strength, after fighting with twenty-thousand Fae and convincing the Fae Queen not to kill the knights who dared make camp on their lands. She felt drained. Her arms were heavy and her mind hummed with a painful headache that only intensified with each turn of her head.

Merlin should have been angry with Arthur. Rationally, it was not Mordred's fault that the prat decided to include him in his prattishness, but because of Mordred's destiny and what she had Seen, the young knight had very quickly found himself as the subject of her rage.

The knights bellowed with laughter, taking her glare as some kind of hint that Arthur's comment was funny, and the matter was dropped. Merlin hoisted herself up, forced on her best smile and made them dinner. She may have hated them in those few hours, but after negotiating with a fickle, bloodthirsty creature for their right to live, she was not inclined to poison them for their ill treatment of her.

She held it in, as she always had done. Her mother had told her that there were people who would do things like this to her. People she loved. And her mother had told her to told onto the love, for love lasts longer than a folly. But she felt no love for Mordred, and as such confronted him when it was his turn to keep watch that night.

The knights slept soundly around the tamed flames. The stars above their heads and the soft, dry ground beneath them. She couldn't help but smile seeing them like that: knowing that they were safe. That was all she ever wanted for them. Safety. Happiness.

When Gwaine woke up Mordred for the change over, Merlin waited until she was certain the rogue knight was asleep before easing up from her position between Arthur and Percival, and quietly approached Mordred from behind. He faced the fire, poking the burning wood with a stick.

His head moved as she slid down on the stone beside him, watching her with his peripherals.

They sat in silence. Both knew something was doing to happen that night. Although it was not what either were expecting.

"You could have said something" Merlin stated finally.

Mordred ducked his head, using his most calming voice. "If I had approached the Fae myself they would have torn me to pieces instantly, or worse placed me under their enchantment. I thought it best to leave it in your capable hands"

The witch paused, the information ticking inside her head. She decided to ignore it. "You could have said something to _them_, they seem to value the word of a knight over a maid"

Mordred answered her swiftly, his tone indecipherable. "Arthur and the others care for you, they value your word greatly, Emrys."

Suddenly feeling angry, she pulled down the neckline of her dress and revealed the pale skin of her left breast, the nipple on just hidden by the faded blue fabric. Marring the white expanse were three long slices: the claws of the Fae Queen when she tried to tear out the witch's heart. The cuts were deep and blue-lined but did not bleed: the Fae's claws seal instantly, but leave a poisonous trace behind.

It would scar. Badly. She needed to get back to Gaius to get it treated, but for now she would use it to her advantage.

Mordred looked at it, as Merlin wanted him to, and with a sense of pride Merlin could see that he was ashamed. She watched his reactions, judging him and curious of what he would do. She wasn't sure what she expected from him, but it was not for him to lift a hand and hesitate just above the wounds. His eyes rose and met with her's questioningly.

"Its infected with the Fae's venom... you'll die" He told her. She nodded, knowing this. He inclined his head. "May I?"

For a moment she didn't understand, but then she registered where his hand was and what his statement insinuated, she nodded again and came closer: giving him easier access.

The shiver was completely unexpected as he laid his warm palm over her chest. His fingers covering the claw marks and a good third of her breast. His finger tips brushed against her collar bone.

He was concentrating. She could see his expression and how his brow furrowed with the effort. But with some murmured words she felt a hot sensation seep into her skin. Gritting her teeth, she held in a cry as the heat intensified: burning out the poison infecting her. At some point during the process Mordred's other hand grasped her arm to steady both her and himself.

When it was done, both parties were left panting.

They both looked down at his hand, still resting over her breast. Merlin could feel their breath on her chest, and knew Mordred could feel the same breath on the back of his hand. In her aim to gain some form of upper hand over him, Merlin had not realised how sexual her actions had been, and with the wound now healed, it was as if a barrier had been brought down. His hand shifted.

The lines were still there, but they were a pale pink and looked days old rather than fresh gashes. The blue was completely gone. Goosebumps rose over her porcelain skin as the cold night air ghosted over her.

"It will scar" Mordred murmured in a low voice, his shocking blue eyes fixed on the three jagged lines.

Merlin tilted her head up and peered at him through her lashes, vividly aware of how close they were sitting. Knee to knee. Shoulder to shoulder.

A shock ran through her when Mordred looked up to meet her eyes.

They then dropped to her mouth. Her's fell to gaze at his lips, parted with the easing gasps of the healing procedure. In sync, their eyes met again.

Together, they tilted their heads slowly and timidly. Her lips caught his bottom lip weakly and tugged on it lightly. With eyes fluttering closed, Mordred returned the gesture: capturing her top lip and then her bottom, kneading them between his own. Their noses brushed together in a movement that was almost gentle. Loving. Intimate. With a long sigh from Merlin, and an unsteady one from Mordred, their mouths molded together: a dance of deep, languid kisses and small pecks.

A sound from the other side of the fire startled them and they looked up to see Gwaine stir in his slumber. The knight rolled so that he had his back to them. They sat, frozen and waiting, but the knight did not move again.

Mordred's hand hadn't moved. Merlin brought one of her own up and covered it. Mordred's head snapped back to look at her, lids heavy and leaned in. Merlin met him half way and pushed her spare hand up his jaw and coiled her fingers in his hair.

A hand traced her waist while the other applied a tentative pressure to her breast, an echo of a tease he was unsure on whether to make or not.

She pushed him away, looked at the sleeping knights and made a decision.

Merlin stood up and grabbed him by the hands, reveling in the way he looked up at her with face open and eyes wide with wonder. His inexperience was evident, and somewhat... endearing to her?

She would and could not claim to be an expert, but she had subconsciously remembered a few unwanted tips from barmaids and whores in the taverns the knights stayed in during quests. The women perhaps thinking she was Arthur's woman, or the wife/female companion of one of the knights. Perhaps even all of them. Too many times had she received a wink and a whispered tip on 'how to make a man lose his mind' as they so put it.

The witch gave a small tug and he followed willingly, rising up to stand only an inch taller than her and gazing at her with an expression she never could have thought him capable of. A potent mixture of awe, arousal and nervousness. She kissed him, directing his arms around her waist and walking backwards into the darkened forest. His hands were light and unsure, and it was only with coaxing did he apply any real pressure.

She bit his lip and led him far away from the camp. A whispered silencing spell on her lips and a gasp on his as she put the first tip into play: her hand ran down his entire front, from neck to groin, and gave him a small squeeze.

Sitting in the sloping roots of an oak- Mordred's back to the wizened tree that had probably seen lovers like them many times before in its long life- they removed as much of each other's clothes as they dared in the bitter cold night. Merlin's dress came off her shoulders, leaving her entire torso bare, and bunched at her waist while Mordred's trousers were tugged down and his chain mail lugged off to reveal a corded red Camelot issued shirt which Merlin easily removed with deft fingers.

Feeling his hands run up and down her body, Merlin, with skirts gathered at her hips, hissed as she lowered herself onto him. He leaned forward and kissed her scars, making her sigh and let her full weight sit on his hips. Seductively, she hooked her arms around his neck and dipped her head to mouth his neck and the Druid tattoo that marked his right pec- another uttered 'trick' and nudge of an elbow from a sultry barmaid Gwaine had flirted with- and he, in response, massaged her chest in his palms. Her scars and headache were forgotten as they rocked into each other. Magic flared into life between them: tangling and intertwining and rising the pleasure inside them to impossible levels.

The cold night air sent their breath clouding between them as they panted and cried out. Hands wildly felt the curves and dips of each others chests. Their kisses desperate and rushed as their thrusts grew hard and erratic. Finally, after only a short while Merlin let out a small scream, clinging to his shoulders and hiding her face in his neck just as a yelp escaped Mordred's throat: the impression of 'Emrys' on his breath. His arms tightened around her.

With breathing unusually fast and desperate, their foreheads fell against each other and their bodies trembled with aftershock of lost virginity.

Their noses bumped just as before. An illusion of intimacy. Of love. He tilted his head up and fluttered kisses over her face, his thumb rubbing a circle onto her hip as he did so. Her slender fingers trailed down his defined torso, a numb sense of fascination overcoming her as she watched the sweat gleam of the distant camp's firelight and the powerful moon light pouring over them, and how the shadows accentuated the cuts of each muscle. His hands trailed up her sides, drawing up her dress with them and her right hand found his shirt off to the side: her magic calling the discarded garments to her. Carefully and in companionable silence they dressed each other, only getting up when the final haul of Mordred's chain mail required it. They both groaned at the sensation of him leaving her.

When they returned to camp Merlin slid back down in the large space between Arthur and Percival, aware of the soreness developing between her legs, and closed her eyes just as Mordred leaned down over Elyan to wake him for his turn keeping watch.

She listened as Mordred dropped down to the ground. Her eyes opened again.

Bright blue eyes met over a weakening flame for a moment before sleep over took them.


	2. Forget It

Whether or not the knights noticed the change between them was unclear, but no matter how hard Merlin tried to act like everything was normal: she couldn't.

She could barely look at Mordred, even though a part of her never wanted to look away.

There was a powerful feeling of regret deep in her gut, making her feel ill. What had she been doing!? All her life her mother had told her to give herself to the man she loved, but Merlin was certain she was not in love with Mordred. Had she let her mother down? Had she let herself down? Had she let Arthur down by sleeping with the man destined to kill him?

But there was another feeling, fluttering higher in her stomach and making her cheeks burn treacherously. She'd given herself to him. She had shamelessly sat on him, rode him, with chest bare and fingers clawing at his hair and across his back. Merlin had never acted like that before: it was as if someone had taken her over, or replaced her with a succubus. What made her face flush more was remembering the looks on Mordred's face. Each one was seared into her memory. His openness; his curiosity; his arousal; his awe; his lust; his pleasure and his vulnerability.

She never thought him capable of being vulnerable, even though she had seen it in him as a child. As a man, he looked so unflappable, powerful, dangerous.

When they returned to Camelot with 'no news' Merlin felt a weight lift from her shoulders. Perhaps with the distraction of being the royal maid she would steadily forget her encounter with Mordred and focus once more on the fact that she had to keep an eye on his actions for any sign of betrayal.

How wrong she was.

As soon as Arthur dismounted, she was there to take his horse to the stalls. He gave her a brief look of bemusement at her uncharacteristic eagerness, but handed the horse rein's over and nodded once. She watched as he pulled off his gloves, walking across the courtyard and was met half-way by Gwen's welcoming arms. It was an incredible sight. The pair seemed to mold together: they joined together in a warm embrace and a sweet kiss, making up for time lost but still respecting their company. She may have stood there too long, as Arthur's horse impatiently nipped at her hair and her own, Llamiri gave a huff and a trot.

"Alright.." She murmured, turning to the horses and stroking their noses affectionately. It always amazed her how similar Arthur and his faithful horse were. With another glance over her shoulder, nodding and smiling to the knights who waved at her with tired smiles, she lead the horses over to the stables: vaguely aware of the squires leading other horses in the same direction.

As usual, she took her time putting the horses away. Her movements were slow and gentle, savoring the momentary peace she felt: away from Arthur's demands, her destiny and the never-ending tremor of impending doom that hummed over her skin. Around her, the knights' squires moved quickly and loudly before scurrying off to serve their masters. Arthur was just going to have to wait, she thought defiantly.

Speaking of something humming over her skin. She needed a wash. She could still smell Mordred and was slightly shocked that Camelot's finest didn't notice the significantly more masculine scent lingering on her: she had gotten close to each of them, even Gwaine hadn't smelt it, and he usually commented jokingly on how she always managed to smell nice even on quests, when they the men stank after a day.

Disturbingly, she realised as she brought her wrist up to her nose, the smell was not unpleasant. It was musky scent. Deep, earthy and slightly spicy. There was a tang of mint and a warmer odor she could not place. Definitely not a feminine smell. Her lips brushed against the fragile skin there, echoing how Mordred had brought it up to his own and mouthed it before kissing up her entire arm...

"M'lady?" A timid voice called and Merlin snapped out of it. She turned away from where she stood stroking Llamiri and saw a little boy of perhaps twelve awkwardly ringing his hands.

He was red haired and brown eyed with skin coated in freckles, but somehow he still managed to remind her of a younger Mordred, when the druid first came to Camelot.

She allowed her face to quirk into a smile. "I'm no lady, just Merlin. What's your name?"

The little boy blushed. "Sorry m'- Merlin. Sorry for calling you mi'lady, it's just you be being so pretty and all that... Erm, ah, my name be Hugh. I be the stable hand. I were just wondering if you be needing any help, mi- Merlin"

Merlin's eyebrows rose at his compliment, but quickly shook it off with a wide smile and a few steps towards him. "No thank you, Hugh. I was just putting away mine and the King's horses, but you can help me brush them down if you like?"

Hugh looked bashful, yet thrilled as he nodded hurriedly and rushed to get two brushes. He scuffed his foot on the wooden pillar, but managed to save himself in time and quickly made it back to her side. He presented her brush to her as though giving her a flower.

"Thank you, Hugh" She said sweetly before turning back to her gray speckled mare. Hugh moved to the other side and began to gently run the brush down Llamiri's stomach. She looked over at him. "So Hugh, do your parents live in Camelot?"

She asked because she was only four years older than him when she came to Camelot as Gaius' apprentice. It was not uncommon for children to leave for the city.

Hugh nodded however. "Yes they do. Mother be serving in the kitchens, and my father be a guard"

Merlin quirked a brow, refraining from making a comment about the state of Camelot's guards. She did however ask the name of his mother, as she knew pretty much all the women in the kitchens.

"Lynnette, mi'l-Merlin" Hugh grinned, blushing madly at his slip up.

Surprise washed over her face, and her smile widened. "Oh I know Lynnette! You have a sister don't you? Works as Lady Florrie's maid?"

Hugh nodded, bouncing on the spot. "Yes! Renna her name be. She and my mother speak so highly of you" His rambles continued.

Merlin's brushing paused. Another waft of Mordred. She swore internally: he was everywhere on her. How had people not noticed?

Or perhaps they had? Perhaps they could smell him and had just decided not to mention it? Oh gods... She flushed with embarrassment.

"Mi'lady?" Hugh asked worriedly, noticing her sudden change. Lost in her thoughts, she didn't notice him look off to the side, squeak and scuttle away out of the stables. All she knew was that another hand covering her own on the brush brought her back to reality.

She jumped and her eyes darted to the newcomer. She bit back a groan of disbelief.

Mordred stood there, chain mail gone and dressed in casual clothes. No doubt he was invited to Gwaine's traditional 'We're still alive after a road trip!' party in the tavern. Honestly, it was just a patrol, Gwaine liked to find any excuse...

_Hello Emrys_. He spoke inside her head. He dipped his gaze, almost bashful.

Merlin gaped at him dumbly, wondering how he had gotten there without her noticing. Instead of sending a reply, or doing anything, she simply watched him take the brush from her and begin to swipe it across the fine hairs of Llamiri's back. He didn't meet her stares, but that did not stop her from seeing how his cheeks burned subtly in the dim light of the stables.

"Where's Hugh?" She asked finally. Mordred looked at her confused. "The stable boy"

At her clarification, Mordred nodded to the door, where the red haired boy could be seen hovering. His back was to the stables, his attention flickering at the people passing by: there was no particular point of interest, telling her that the boy was refraining from turning around and watching them. He was giving them privacy.

Privacy she didn't want.

She opened her mouth to call him back in but a hand covered her mouth. She snapped a glare at Mordred, whose eyes were irritatingly wide and earnest again.

"I wanted to speak with you... about last night" He told her timidly. His voice quiet and unsure. He removed his hand and resumed his sweeping, his spare hand stroking down Llamiri's neck as she tilted around to look at the unfamiliar person grooming her.

Merlin reached out and ran the back of her forefinger down Llamiri's snout. No doubt Llamiri could smell her scent on Mordred, and Mordred's on her.

"... I'm not sure that's a good idea" She said slowly, her concentration seemingly dedicated to the trail of her finger over Llamiri's nose. She felt Mordred tense beside her.

The silence was awful. She felt the need to fill it with something, but words failed her.

Wood clattered against wood as Mordred balanced the brush on the stall's edge. She could feel him trying to meet her eyes, but she looked elsewhere determinedly. She heard him sigh.

"I think it would be a good idea" He told her, but his uneven voice implied otherwise. Gods, she marveled, she had never known him to be this uncertain. "Did.. I... Do... We... Just... Can... Ugh"

He stumbled uncharacteristically over his words, growing frustrated with each stutter. With the last utterance, he grabbed her hand, pulled it away from Llamiri and pressed it to his chest. The sharp movement made her turn around and face him: unintentionally she looked up at him. She saw confusion and annoyance on his face.

"Please Emrys, stop that" He pleaded. His teeth briefly worried his bottom lip. "Should... Should I forget last night?"

She tilted her head up, an action she had seen many ladies do, and spoke.

"Yes"

Forget about it. And then maybe I can too.

She watched him deflate before her. He dropped her hand, dipped his head once and turned to leave. Hugh outside perked up as Mordred passed him, his brown eyes watching with undisguised awe as Mordred stepped out into the busy courtyard. Hugh bounced back in.

"That be Sir Mordred!" Hugh chimed, wide eyed with amazement. It then changed to one of exaggerated confusion. "What was Sir Mordred going here?"

Merlin sighed and looked away from the door. "Nothing, Hugh. Who knows what goes on inside the minds of Knights?"

Hugh giggled at her answer, and then began to tell her how he had aspirations of being a squire for one of the knights: maybe even Sir Mordred. After sitting through it for another five minutes, Merlin politely excused herself, saying that King Arthur would want a bath drawn, and left Hugh to finish.

She only just caught Hugh excitedly speak to Llamiri and the other horses.

"Did you see that? I just spoke'ed to a lady! A pretty lady at that! And did you see Sir Mordred, he nodded at me he did. Mother won't believe it, nor will Renna and Father."

After drawing Arthur a bath, and ignoring his rant about her being late and other such follies, Merlin hurried back down to the Physician's chambers and clattered around until she found a large enough bowl. Currently, the bucket she used to wash herself with was being used as a resting place for one of Gaius' potions: it need to be angled upright, and the bucket was just the right size.

Gaius watched her scour the shelves for lavender and other sweet smelling herbs with a high eyebrow.

"Merlin? Is everything alright?"

"Huh?" She grunted distractedly, squinting at the labels and cursing her poor handwriting. Why Gaius made her label these she had no idea, she may as well be as illiterate as she was when she arrived ten years ago. "Oh, ah I just wanted to wash"

Gaius tilted his head. "I take it the patrol went well?"

Merlin shrugged. "I had to save Arthur's sorry arse from a fae colony and got no thanks, so nothing out of the ordinary" _Well, one could say I did get 'thanks' from a certain Druid knight... _

She turned around with a flush at her treacherous thoughts and just caught the look of alarm on her mentor's face.

"Merlin! Fae are dangerous, what were you thinking?" Gaius demanded, his brewing forgotten as he checked his adoptive daughter for any sign of injury. "How did you even get close? They may not mind women as much as men, but they are not kind creatures when it comes to intruders"

Merlin stopped and leaned on the table, sending Gaius a rueful smile. "Oh I know, Gaius. The prat decided to set up camp on their territory and I had to convince them not to tear the knights to pieces"

"Were you hurt?" Gaius demanded to know. She bit her lip. "Merlin! Show me"

Past caring whether or not Gaius saw, Merlin pushed down one shoulder and pulled it so that the three scars were visible. Gaius leaned over the table to look, but sat back in shock almost instantly. She shrugged the dress back, and then shrugged again dismissively.

"The Fae Queen scratched me"

Gaius's head tilted and he blinked at her, dumbfound. "Merlin, my girl. The Queen's poison is the most potent. When did this happen?"

Merlin blushed despite herself. "Yesterday. Around midday"

The old physician gaped at her. "That's twenty-four hours: You should be dead. You amaze me sometimes, Merlin"

She waved a hand and went over to the large trough where they kept water for medical use. She dunked the bowl in gracelessly and with shaky hands guided it back over to the table. She flicked her hands and dried them on her skirts.

"Someone else healed me" She said without thinking.

Gaius had composed himself and watched her crush up the herbs with an odd expression. "Who?"

Her grinding paused, but immediately sped up again. "Mordred..."

The witch's tone was short and curt, implying that Gaius should leave the topic be. But Gaius had heard her use that tone before, and always knew to pursue the subject when she did.

"Sir Mordred healed you? That was certainly kind of him-"

Merlin jumped back, the bowl clattering in her annoyance. "Can we not talk about it, Gaius?"

The physician was silent, but his brow high. Merlin dumped the herbs into the water, grabbed a cloth and picked the bowl up. Without saying another word she carefully walked around the bench and up to her room. Only a brief second later the door closed by magic.

Gaius sighed when he heard it lock, knowing that there was in fact no lock on that door.

For a moment a frown marred his aged face as he thought about where her injury was. It was on her left breast, over her heart: not unusual for a fae injury as they had a fondness for tearing out the hearts of those that angered them. What struck him was Merlin's reaction, and the fact that for Mordred to have healed her, his hand would have had to cover the entire injury.

Perhaps the girl was embarrassed to have a man touch her that way, if only to heal her? Especially considering her hostility towards the knight in question.

Gaius dismissed it quickly, turning his attention back to his brewing. He wasn't sure if the boy would hear it, but he mentally sent out a thank you to Mordred: thank you for healing her. For saving her life.

He jumped in surprise when a reply came.

_You are welcome_.


	3. Distractions

The next time she saw him, it was during training the next day. Arthur had given the knights whom had gone out on the patrol a day's rest, but most had chosen to return to training as normal and amongst those were Mordred.

As soon as she followed Arthur out onto the field she could feel him. His very presence was illuminated to her by their magic: the unique forces singing to each other, completely unaware of their masters' plight.

She knew where he was. She knew what he was doing and she knew he could sense her too.

True enough, when she glanced over the field to greet her friends, she momentarily settled on Mordred and could see him staring back at her. Blue eyes cold and cut off. Part of her sighed in relief, she did not want his affections, but another part of her wanted to weep as it missed the sweet, open expressions he had sent her yesterday and the night before.

Merlin schooled her features and looked away sharply, sensing how Mordred did the same.

"Merlin!" Arthur shouted. "We haven't got time for your daydreaming, fetch me my sword. Sir George, you're with me. Sir Elyan, you're with Sir Fain, Sir Gwaine, with Sir Mordred..."

Merlin stopped listening once Mordred's name was called. Even as she had her back to the men in the field, she could feel him behind her yards away. Each step as he drew further away was like a tug of a string tied around her chest. She knew he was walking to the section of the field furthest from her with Gwaine, and she was both thankful and despondent.

He was apparently respecting her words and trying to forget about that night.

That night had been Merlin's first time ever giving herself that way to a man and it had done something to her. Ever since, she felt a pull towards him that had not been there before. A chime of magic. 'Mordred is here' her senses echoed. She could walk the very paths around the castle that he had walked hours before, knowing and feeling the air vibrate: Mordred. Mordred. Mordred. It had developed the moment their... relation was complete, but in her afterglow she had not noticed the sudden hum tingling under her skin, and for a while she thought it was just his scent trace on her, but even after washing with sweet herbs and scrubbing her clothes until her fingers were raw, the tremor remained. She stood naked in her room and could still feel the whisper of Mordred. He's down the corridor. Turn left. Up the stairs. Down the corridor. Two right turns and a left turn. Up the stairs again. There. He is there. Alone. Getting ready for bed. Join him... go to him...

She shook her head, making a mental note to investigate further later on, and brought over Arthur's sword, leisurely looking around the field at the numerous sparring partners. Without even realising it at first, she settled once more on Mordred.

His movements were smooth, concentrated, and defined. He was a fast learner, she'd give him that. While Arthur used her as a beating dummy, he'd only ever spared her one or two short lessons on how to hold the sword properly and they both were ten years ago when her village was attacked, and she couldn't help feel a niggle of envy. Her eyes focused on his face, and she could see it twitch and glance around to meet her gaze before rushing back to block a blow from Gwaine, whom had seen the opening.

Merlin blinked. A hand was waving in front of her face.

"...lin, Merlin! Merlin!"

"What?" She blurted, turning her attention to the king. Her hands were on her hips in a rare display of sternness. Her sharp voice, posture and glare at the king made everyone momentarily stop and stare at her.

The more familiar knights scoffed in amusement and continued, while others looked to their king nervously. Newbies, Merlin rolled her eyes at them.

Arthur rose a brow. "There's no need to speak to your king like that just because you can't pay attention. Now, you see that rack over there" He pointed. "Go polish everything on it"

A normal servant would have been fired and locked in the dungeons for a few nights for speaking to the king in such a way, but as it was Merlin, Arthur was more bemused than angry.

Merlin turned on her heels, with an extravagant bow that had several men chuckling at her antics, and marched over to the rack. Arthur shook his head at her retreating back and turned to face Leon.

"That girl, honestly" He uttered, shaking his head in disbelief.

Leon smiled. "But sire, you wouldn't want any other servant"

Arthur grunted in agreement and engaged.

The servant in question selected the first sword on the rack and sat down with a rag to polish it. With much more concentration than she would ever have needed for polishing, Merlin drew the rag over the full length of the sword and back again. A few moments later, there was a clanging around that had Merlin's head whipping up just in time to see Mordred titter backwards before falling flat on his back.

Gwaine roared with laughter and offered a hand, helping Mordred up off of the younger knight accepted it, his face flushed and smile timid. Mordred's eyes met her's and then they dipped to the sword and rag in her hands, before blushing furiously and looking away. Gwaine too looked and snorted again: his eyes screwed shut and he covered his face with a gloved hand, as though unable to believe some strange absurdity.

Merlin frowned at Gwaine and looked down at the sword. She stared at it, trying to work out what was wrong but could not place it.

The wind carried a faint, scoffing 'Virgins...' from the rogue knight.

Merlin chose to ignore him. It had nothing to do with the fact that she had no idea what he meant.

* * *

Gwaine gulped down his ale and grinned at his drinking companions, Elyan and Percival. Both were nursing a single tankard, while he was on his third already. It was not the norm for Gwaine to go drinking after training, but with the rest of the day on leave he saw no reason not to.

"Fellas, I've never been more thankful of our Merlin's presence on the training field" He told them, running a hand through his locks and winking at the barmaid for another. She blushed and came forward to replace his empty mead.

Elyan sipped his and exchanged confused looks with Percival.

"What do you mean?"

Gwaine's grin grew into something entirely more mischievous. He looked at his friends, leaning over their tankards towards him with interest flaring in their eyes. Should he? Why of course he should.

He accepted the refill from the pretty maid and look a long drink, putting his friends on hold for suspense.

Gwaine loudly breathed out through his mouth and lowered his tankard. He winked and leaned in closer to his friends. "Because a certain Sir Mordred could barely concentrate on our spar"

Percival's head tilted and Elyan's eyebrows rose in disbelief.

"Truly?" The largest knight asked, surprised by the news.

Gwaine snorted. "The guy's smitten with her. He was away with the faeries most of the time, always looking over at her. Gods it was like the Princess and Gwen all over again, only less pure and more naive. You should have seen his reaction when Merlin was polishing the sword" He mimed the movement, igniting a disbelieving look from Elyan and a confused one from Percival. "And! It made me look good, Arthur didn't even notice my hangover thanks to little old Merlin"

Elyan nodded, weighing out the possibility and trying to get the image of Gwaine's hands _that _out of his mind. "Hm, I did notice Mordred seemed distracted. I wasn't aware it was because of Merlin though"

A thoughtful sound came from Percival as he took a long gulp from his tankard. He licked his lips as he lowered it and noticed that both his friends were watching him in interest. He shrugged. What?

"You usually have somethin' wise to say" Gwaine shrugged back. "That looked like a build up"

Elyan snorted. "So you think Mordred holds affections for Merlin?"

Gwaine swung an arm around Elyan. "Mate, it's as crystal clear as your own affections for that kitchen maid"

At the mention of his beau, Elyan dipped his head and hid his face in a long, languid take of his mead: finishing it and gesturing with a finger for a refill. Gwaine and Percival laughed teasingly at his reaction.

"I'm telling you boys, I've never seen a man more distracted. I knocked him over four times" Gwaine held up four fingers, his face stunned.

Percival's eyebrows rose. "Interesting. It amazes me how a man can be so distracted by a woman"

Elyan grinned knowingly and clapped Percival's shoulder. "You will know soon enough, I'm sure. I have no doubt that Mordred was distracted by Merlin, she is a beautiful woman. But does Merlin return these feelings? From what I've seen, she hates his guts"

The rogue knight drummed his hands on the table with an excited grin. Clearly he had been waiting for someone to ask just that. After inclining his head to some other men in the tavern, glaring at him for the drumming, Gwaine held up the forefinger of each hand to silence his friends and leaned in: again attempting to build tension.

"Not two nights ago, the last night of our patrol, I saw our sweet lady Merlin and handsome Sir Mordred sneaking off into the woods on Mordred's watch" He paused, eying their reactions. "After the lovely Merlin gave our boy Mordred a kiss or two"

Gwaine slammed his hand down on the table, as though presenting a royal flush in a game of cards, and leaned back grabbing his tankard and downing it in one go. His eyebrows waggled as he wiped his mouth on his sleeve.

Elyan and Percival's jaws were slack. They exchanged looks.

"I was certain she hated him..." Elyan uttered, gobsmacked. Percival was nodding along earnestly.

"She sends him the most murderous looks! The first time I could barely believe it was the same woman" And with that, the gentle giant picked up his tankard and finished it. He did not order another, instead he stared down into it as though it held the answers.

Gwaine, watching this, looked very pleased with himself.

Finally Elyan shook his head, smiling thinly at Gwaine. "No, I don't believe it. Merlin hates that boy and its the first time I've ever seen her show such loathing for another human being" Aside from Morgana, but that went without saying. "You're making this up, I'm certain of it"

Gwaine pulled on an expression of mock hurt, placing a hand over his heart. "My dear brother in arms, but I do foresee wedding bells in our fair lady's future"

Percival chuckled and shook his head, rising from his seat. "Lord save us when Gwaine starts talking like a bard"

As the larger knight exited the tavern, Gwaine opened his arms out wide in disbelief and turned incredulously to Elyan, who too shook his head and got up. Elyan bid him farewell and pushed through the doors, leaving the roguish knight alone in the busy tavern.

"And they didn't even contribute to the bill" Gwaine sighed in mock disappointment, quickly shrugging off his friends' mistrust of his story. Maybe he could leave it on a tab? His pockets were empty...


	4. My Remedy

Tears streamed down her face as she lay curled up on her bed, the unforgiving moonlight pouring in on her.

Throughout the day the feeling had steadily grown worse. The hum under her skin began to burn shortly after the day's training, and Gwen made Arthur dismiss her early as the woman was the only one to notice Merlin's discomfort. That was five hours ago. Since then she had completely collapsed and had been given all kinds of foul tasting potions from Gaius to ease the steadily increasing pain.

Her hands fisted her sheets so tightly her knuckles went white and sweat glued her hair to her forehead. She barely registered the door open and Gaius shuffle in.

"Oh my girl" He sighed. The bed dipped as he settled down beside her and his cool hand on her burning face was met with a scream, muffled by teeth digging into the rugged pillow. "I shall inform Arthur that you will not be fit for work tomorrow..."

Words sat on his tongue as he gazed down at his niece's agonized frame. She did not have a fever, nor was her heart rate any higher. Medically she seemed fine, but his own eyes told him otherwise. With another sigh, Gaius got up off the bed and left the room, planning on returning to his books to try and find a remedy or at least a diagnosis for Merlin's condition.

No sooner had he made it down the steps, a flash of blue and black whipped past him. He barely had time to register it before the door was swung open. It clattered against the wall and the papers on the table danced as though a strong gust of wind had blown through.

"What on earth..." He uttered, looking back into Merlin's room where the strange phenomenon had originated. His heart froze when he saw that the room was empty. "Merlin?"

* * *

Mordred. Mordred. Mordred. Mordred. Mordred. Mordred.

It was a tattoo inside her mind. Throbbing. Burning. Craving. Her eyes glowed gold as Gaius walked away and time slowed. With all her might she tore off the bed and out through the door. He was there. So close. So close.

Servants and lord's alike moved as if walking through thick water as Merlin scrambled her way through the corridors, gasping as Mordred's trail grew stronger with each leap. There. Not much further. Almost there. He's so close. Close.

Close.

Here.

A feral snarl escaped her throat when he collided with her, and his echoing growl rumbled deep from inside his chest. Two forces clashed in the corridor at what felt like a hundred miles per hour. Their magic slapped together with an almighty sound that thundered through the castle.

He pushed her into the wall, she yanked him with her.

Hungrily they battled with their lips, tongues and hands. Teeth gnawed against jaws, necks and bruised mouths, and nails scraped over sweaty skin and obstructing fabric.

Now. Now. Now. Her mind screamed. His roared back approvingly. Now. Now. Now.

She pushed him off of her and he landed back onto a bed. Neither cared how they got there, only that they were now rolling on the soft linen of Mordred's bed: the idle decorations of his chambers faded into the background as she threw herself onto him, straddling him and attacking his neck with frenzied kisses and sharp nips.

Mordred's hands clawed through her hair, tearing it out of it's messy maid's bun and pulling so hard her scalp burned. Their breathing was loud and heavy, barely audible over the sound of clothes ripping: seams giving out under the strain of grappling hands and merciless fingers. Mordred's shirt tore completely down the middle and was roughly pulled off their side down his arms while Merlin's dress ripped down her front, exposing her pale chest.

Merlin threw her head back, hair whipping through the air, as Mordred leaned forward and sucked on the skin revealed to him: his hands dragging up her waist and cupping each breast. His teeth grazed across one pale globe and caught the nipple there. A long and loud moan drew out from deep in Merlin's throat at his ministrations, and with a tight tug on his hair he repeated the gesture on the other breast.

Need her. Need her. Need her now. Mordred's mind thrummed, his heart beat a bass.

How he had come to be here he wasn't sure. All he knew was that his skin hurt, and that it had gradually gotten worse as the days passed. It started out as a dismissible tingle, but by midday, just after training, it was near unbearable. He would have gone to Gaius for a remedy, but that meant seeing Merlin and disrespecting her wishes. Groaning as her hands brutally yanked at the laces of his trousers, Mordred concluded that this was more than likely disrespecting her wishes, but before he knew what he was doing he had gone from wreathing in pain on his bed to clashing with her in a corridor.

A low growl tore from Merlin's chest as she dipped onto her hands and knees and mouthed Mordred's tattoo. He leaned back against the wooden headrest, combing his hands through her hair and watching half-lidded as she gnawed at the skin of his collar bone. Then his torso. Like he had done her, she bit his nipples and licked them, igniting a moan from the Druid knight. Satisfied with this reaction, Merlin continued her journey down to his stomach and dipped her tongue into his navel. All the while her hands prized his trousers off of him, the sound of seams tearing loose crackled through the hot, streaming air.

Mordred barely had time to adjust to the freedom being trouser-less gave him before Merlin's head dipped and took all of him in. The fire sprung into life as his back arched and his lips parted to release a loud, bellowing cry. Her hot tongue swirled around his length and her hand fisted around the base. Merlin did not suck for long, and her lips released him with a wet pop. Her neck, chest, stomach all rubbing against the throb as she eased her way back up to connect their mouths in a passionate fight. The fire once again illuminated dangerously as Merlin whimpered: Mordred's fingers massaged over her buttocks and one dipped into the wetness between her legs.

Vision hazing with nothing but Merlin. Merlin. Merlin. Mordred rubbed around her hips and slid his hand down her stomach and between her legs. She hovered above him on her elbows and knees, face flushed and eyes closed as his fingers grew steadily more brave and pushed in. Soundlessly her lips parted. The sight was beautiful. Too beautiful that Mordred could not resist arching up and capturing her bottom lip between his teeth, breathing in her low, pleasured groan as he began pumping his hand.

He would have been content just to watch her as he worked. Her full lips. Pale skin. Tangled dark hair falling around her face. The scorching firelight haloing behind her, giving her an almost ethereal glow. Her magic rushing in the air, wild and passionate: pulsing with each hitch and heave of her chest.

Merlin's hand shot down and halted his movements suddenly and his eyes cleared to peer at her in confusion. With hunger and lust dancing in her vibrant blue eyes, Merlin shook her head and hissed out.

"No... You... Now... Mordred, please!"

She barely finished her strained words before his hand was gone and replaced by his thick, warm hardness. As they had done in the forest, Merlin sat on his hips, but this time he laid back down fully onto the bed, gazing up at her and seeing her above him, glowing with firelight and magic like the goddess legends of prophecies preached her to be. She rolled, coating him in her wetness before reaching down and guiding him into her.

All the candles in the room lit as their chorused cries spiked the air. She leaned forward: palms pressing down on his pecs for support as she lifted herself up and plunged back down again.

His hands slapped against the skin of her hips as he grasped them desperately, trying to make her go faster. One wandered up her body, to her neck and cupping her face as she thrust. Up. Down. Their eyes never parted: blue on blue.

Only the second time they met this way, the pair came quickly. Merlin's arms gave out and she fell on him, the Druid knight catching her as she collapsed. Hands clawed into skin. Teeth bit down on lips and cries intermingled alongside charged magic. Together they worked through their completion. Long, choked gasps shuddered their bodies, and mutual tears welled in their eyes. Their mouths twitched into dazed smiles. They flopped, like a puppet's string cut. Exhausted.

Wrapping around each other, all they knew was fire. They knew faintly that the sheets were singed and the fire in the hearth was burning away to itself, having long since consumed what was left of the wood. The candles had eaten away the wax, and instead floated aimlessly around the room like stars.

Kissing the top of her head, Mordred peered up above them and reached up as a wick danced past at a leisurely pace. It drifted past his fingers without burning him and he let his hand drop back to rest on Merlin's shoulder. Merlin rubbed her nose under his jaw and too looked as another different flame hovered next to his head, unnoticed by the Druid. She kissed behind his ear lazily, and his thumb began to rub circles onto the soft skin of her shoulder.

"Mordred...?" She whispered, her voice croaky.

He hummed "Emrys...?"

She wanted to move, to look up at him but she couldn't move. Her body was heavy. Sated.

"What... What ha-" She yawned suddenly. "Uh... nevermind"

He huffed a laugh as his eyes grew heavy. It was not long until he drifted off to sleep. Merlin followed shortly after: curling up in his arms and all thoughts on how she should hate him, and what she Saw left her mind as the unending blissful hum of Mordred. Mordred. Mordred. wrapped around her in a soft, safe cocoon.

* * *

**I'd just like to say thank you to everyone who has favourited, commented and followed this story! You have no idea what it means to be to see how many people feel this is worth reading and I can't thank you enough for your interest and lovely reviews! **


	5. The Morning After

It was early when he woke up. Druids always rose with the sun so they could perform the morning rituals for the Triple Goddess. Although in Camelot, Mordred was still a Druid and when the first golden beam peeked through his window: his eyes fluttered open.

The lights had gone out some time in the night. The fire no longer burned away to itself and the room was no longer filled with drifting flames.

As he woke, he took in a deep breath, alerting him to the weight curled at his side. Jumping slightly, he looked down and froze.

As a child Mordred had always been awed by tales of Emrys, and when he finally met her that admiration only grew. She saved his life. She rescued him from the guards and knight- Mordred wasn't sure how to feel about that, since now he was now a knight himself- and along with Lady Morgana and Prince Arthur, she helped him escape. Even then as a twelve-year-old boy he knew she was beautiful in an elvin way: her thin face, high cheekbones, hollow cheeks, bright blue eyes, full lips, and prominent ears that poked out of straight, smooth raven hair. In all his life he had never actually seen Emrys with her hair down: she always had it tied up in a messy rendition of a maid's bun. He liked her hair up, it showed more of her face.

But none of that compared to how she looked now.

Her hair, despite being mussed so much the previous night, was still relatively controlled bar a few out of place hairs and one lock on her forehead sticking right up. Carefully, he smoothed his thumb down the lock, guiding it back into place. She shifted in her sleep, but did not wake.

The ever growing sunrise pooled into the room and eased over her thin, yet surprisingly muscled body. They both were still on top of the covers, having not bothered to dive under last night, and so Merlin's entire body was on show. She was lying on her front, with her arms slung around him and her face nuzzling his collar bone. He could feel her breath on his chest and the steady beat of her heart on his stomach. One of her legs sat comfortably between his, providing him with some modesty, while the other veered off and hung over the side of the bed. His left arm was coiled around her waist, and his right arm was resting on her left arm as it wrapped around him.

Careful not to wake her he shifted his head some more and was rewarded with a better view of her face. Her eyes were closed and still flickering with dreams. He wondered what Emrys dreamt of. Did she dream of the world she so passionately spoke of? The dream that magic was free in Camelot and that her friends laughed an admired her powers as she performed tricks, rather than grow resentful and fearful. Or did she dream of simplier things: a day without getting any orders from the King? A day where she carried on living in her village rather than going to Camelot? Did she dream of her friends? Her mother? Gaius?

Him?

He scolded himself instantly. It was arrogant to even consider that she dreamt of him. Even though he lay here in total bliss and tranquility, he knew in his gut that when Emrys woke up things would not be the same. Whatever had brought them together was not their own conscious will, one only had to remember their heated behaviour the previous night to know that. Emrys had told him she him to forget the night in the forest, and by proxy anything else between them. No matter what Emrys' wishes and how much he wanted to respect them, that night, last night and this morning would forever remain as some of his most treasured memories.

Her body squirmed and her face scrunched up. He held his breath.

Gradually her eyes fluttered, before snapping awake like a deer. For a moment she stared at his chest, motionless, but the moment of stillness was broken when she lifted herself up off of him faster than a catapult release. Her hands trailed over his torso as she sat back and stared down at him in shock. As she did this, Mordred automatically shuffled so he was leaning against the headrest and as an after thought pulled the edge of the covers and flicked it over his hips to cover himself. Merlin noticed this, and all of a sudden appeared to notice her own nakedness.

Her arms slapped over her chest and she curled into herself, eyes wildly searching for her clothes. When she spotted her dress, she performed a ridiculously awkward move of hanging off the bed so that she did not expose herself further. Mordred had to bite his cheek not to laugh.

The blue dress was barely within reach and when she finally whipped it up onto the bed, they both winced at the huge rip down the middle. With one arm covering her breasts, Merlin used the other to lift it up between them and they cringed once more at the huge rip running from the neckline to roughly knee height.

"You ripped my dress" Merlin said, staring at it dumbly.

Mouth bobbing awkwardly for a moment, Mordred offered a hand. "Here... let me"

"It needed replacing anyway" Merlin dismissed and let the garment fall onto the bed. Mordred scooped it up anyway, fingering the fraying edges thoughtfully. He looked up at her with a cocked eyebrow when she got up and began to wrap a spare bed throw around herself.

"Do you plan on walking back through the entire castle wrapped up in a bed sheet?" He asked her wryly. Her head tilted in a way he had seen her do so many times to the King, preparing a witty remark, but before she could speak he pressed the edges together and whispered something: running his fingers down the join. As his finger passed over the fibres they knitted back together without a trace of ever having ripped.

When he looked up again to gauge her reaction, he was surprised by what he saw.

Her jaw was slack, her eyes wide and her mouth twitching up at the sides. She pointed it it.

"You... You have to show me how to do that" She announced, temporarily forgetting herself as she edged back towards him. "You would be amazed how many times Arthur rips his socks"

Mordred's hopes picked up as she sat down on the bed of the bed and accepted the dress back. It was completely mended. Perhaps better than before.

He licked his lips nervously. "The Druids taught me it. Most use the conventional way, but sometimes resources make that difficult so we use magic instead"

Used. Not use. He needed to start using past tenses. He was a knight now, not a fugitive.

He went to tell her the spell, when there was a knock at the door. Their heads snapped to it instantly, eyes wide and horrified. In seconds Mordred was ushering Merlin behind the screen, as she had done to him nine years prior. He pushed what remained of his own torn clothes under the bed with magic, pulled out the scorch marks on the sheets and tugged on a pair of sleeping breeches as the knocking grew braver and somewhat more worried. He opened the door.

There stood the Queen.

Gwen blinked in surprise and diverted her eyes as Mordred apologised profusely and went to find a shirt.

"I'm sorry, forgive me Elyan and Arthur told me you were an early riser. I thought you'd be dressed by now" She stuttered, and behind the screen Merlin couldn't help but smile fondly. No amount of nobility could change Gwen when she was nervous. "If this is a bad time I can come back-"

"No, my lady. It is me who should be sorry... I ah... am an early riser, just on this particular morning... I... was..." He trailed off, looking at his queen sheepishly as she chuckled.

She held up her hands. "No need to explain to me. As long as you are on time for your duties you are free to do as you like in your own chambers" She caught herself. "Not that you wouldn't be on time for your duties..."

Mordred had never before seen his queen like this. Without consciously thinking of it, he turned his front half to glance at the screen before returning his attention to the queen, who was standing somewhat awkwardly in his chambers.

"Ah would you like to sit down, my lady?" He offered a chair from the table, situated close to the door. Unlike the royal chambers, Mordred's bed was close to the window. As a low ranking knight, his rooms were not nearly as spacious as the royal one, nor even as spacious as Sir Leon's: the second in command. His room was possibly the smallest, given how new he was and how relatively untrained still.

Gwen accepted the chair and waited until he had sat down to before speaking.

"Sir Mordred" She said formally, her queen's voice on. "I understand you saved my husband's life"

Mordred was surprised, but nodded respectfully.

She smiled easily and reached out to hold his hand on the table. "No need to look so scared, Sir Mordred. I am only here to give you my personal thanks, and make an unusual request"

Behind the screen, Merlin's ears pricked up in interest. She still stood wrapped in the sheet, not daring to try and change while Gwen was still in the room to hear her. Or more likely, for Merlin to elbow the screen as she wriggled into the dress and for Gwen to investigate.

"Saving King Arthur's life was right, my lady, I need no thanks for doing what is right" Mordred told her earnestly. Merlin winced: how was this boy Arthur's future killer? It made no sense.

Gwen seemed charmed by the youth. "I gladdens me to hear that, Mordred- Can I call you Mordred?"

Mordred nodded hurriedly, glancing back over to the screen again. He meant no disrespect to the queen, but he really wanted her to... well... get on with it.

Although she did not show it, Gwen noticed Mordred's looks and wondered what was over there that had him so nervous. There was a longing in his eyes, so it wasn't something that warranted concern, but his behaviour was certainly not what she was accustomed to seeing from him. She did not know the boy, nor would she claim to, but she had heard and seen that he was a composed young man with a very cool demeanor. She fought the urge to look over. Years ago she would have, but after three years of being queen she had learned that instaneous interest brought up the shutters of secrecy faster than anything else, bar accusations.

To understand what was bothering him, she would have to be subtle about it.

"I regret I have not had the time to get to know you better. I'm familiar with most of the knights and this is why I come to you this morning" She told him in a controlled voice, eying how his eyes wavered on her. "Would it be too much trouble if you were to accompany me on a walk through the forest? I enjoy the forest in all months of the year, but Arthur doesn't like me going out unaccompanied so I find its a perfect opportunity to get to know the men guarding my home"

Mordred was surprised, but pleasantly so. He wasn't very close to the queen, but from the impression he had gotten of her she was a well loved and kind woman. If Mordred was honest with himself, he only nodded his head so that the action of accompanying the queen would improve his standing in both Emrys and the King's eyes.

Gwen smiled widely when the boy nodded and rose from her chair. "Wonderful! If your duties are not too demanding, will this afternoon be an acceptable time? Its just today is a lovely day and I'm eager to get out of these walls"

Her small, sweet laugh reminded him of Emrys' when she was with the knights and Arthur: a laugh she let out before realising that Mordred was around. Her laughter was either loud and hearty, or secretive. Mordred liked them both.

"Of course, my lady" Mordred said, rising to see her out. The queen made a swift exit, for that he was thankful.

The door shut and Mordred turned around just in time to see Merlin peer out from around the screen. A sympathetic smile on her face.

"Don't worry, she really _does _do that with all the new knights. It's a evaluation thing. Rite of passage almost" Merlin explained, forgetting herself and smiling fondly at her friend's antics.

Mordred reveled in her smile.

And then it was gone. Replaced by a mellow expression, she ducked her head and disappeared back behind the screen. The knight's shoulders sunk as he listened to her dress: the aura in the room had changed. A tension had developed.

She emerged not a moment later, her dress in a disarray, and handed him the sheet without looking at him. He accepted it without question.

His eyes remained on the crumpled sheet that still retained some of Merlin's body heat as the door opened, Merlin looked around warily, and then slid out silently.

He wasn't sure how long he stood there with a crushing sensation of emptiness, but he knew that it was a long time for his squire knocked on the door to remind him of his morning city patrol duties.

* * *

At the far end of the corridor, the queen of Camelot stepped out from an alcove just as her husband's maid rushed past fixing her hair and reciting her morning chores.

Gwen watched her go with a curious tilt to her head and a twitch of a frown.


	6. Ever the romantic

Sleeping, for once peacefully, alone in her bed, Morgana dreamt of nothing but the pleasures of being Queen of Camelot. As she strode confidently towards the throne, her smile widened and her shoulders lifted.

Heaven. She was Queen. Her rightful place upon-

A thunderous crackle radiated through her dream, ruthlessly tearing her awake. In a violent thrust, Morgana shot up with a scream and stared wide eyed and wild at her abandoned cottage- by abandoned, it meant the previous residents had died under... tragic circumstances.

On the other side of the room, in her place wrapped up in blankets and wool, Aithusa too cried out.

"Aithusa? Aithusa did you hear that?..." The sorceress gasped for breath.

Feeling her shuddering heartbeat ease, Morgana settled back into her bed and did not sleep another wink for the rest of the night: merely stroking Aithusa's warm scales and lost in her own troubled thoughts.

* * *

Gaius' loud, fiercely worried voice attacked her the moment she entered the Physician's chambers.

"Where have you been!?" He demanded, looking up from his potion as the door slammed shut. Merlin paused, wincing both at the door's slam and the volume of Gaius' voice.

It was rare for Gaius to raise his voice. Merlin rubbed her hands over her face and collapsed onto the bench opposite Gaius, knowing she had a lot of explaining to do.

"You were terribly ill the last time I saw you!" Gaius continued, waving a wooden stick at her, which was stained with whatever medicinal concoction he was brewing. "Then you were gone and all I could hear was this... this"

He gnarled his hand by his ear, trying to explain himself but failing. Merlin gaped up at her mentor, trying to comprehend what he was saying.

"Gaius, I don't remember what happened" Which was only a white lie. She wasn't entirely sure how she had gotten to Mordred's chambers, when they had met half way. "Please..."

Hearing the desperation in his ward's voice, Gaius calmed and settled into his seat. He folded his arms on the table and gazed at her sagely, as if trying to work out a puzzle. She was accustomed to this, as Gaius often looked at her as though she was some complex medicine recipe, or a riddle delivered by a sphinx.

"My girl, something happened when you were scratched by that Fae" Gaius told her, voice worried. "Ever since you returned you have not been yourself"

Merlin felt her cheeks burn. Had she been that obvious.

"I don't know what happened, but I know something did... What went on last night, the way you were and how you just took off faster than the eye could follow... It makes me wonder what you've gotten yourself into"

Her head jerked up and her eyes narrowed at his accusatory tone, but she quickly deflated upon realising that he was right. So right. What had she gotten herself into?

"I-I don't know myself, Gaius... but I'll find out" Merlin assured him, even though she did not feel any faith herself.

She reached out and grabbed his aged hands with one of her own, smooth ones. "You know me, I'll be fine"

She shot him her best goofy grin, and was relieved to see a smile break past his worried mask.

Gaius let out a tired sigh. "I was so worried... One day you won't be fine"

The bench scraped back as she got to her feet and tip toed across the table. It was rare for her to do this, but it felt like the right time. She leaned down and kissed his forehead, before pulling away and securing him with another, sweeter smile.

"I promise that day is very far off"

Gaius smiled weakly at her and tapped her hands, pulling on his impassive Physician's role. "Right well before you go to Arthur, I want to check you over: you were in a bad state last night and I want to make sure you aren't still suffering"

Merlin threw her head back and groaned in disbelief. "But I'm already late! And I feel fine now, Gaius! You can check me over later, the pratness will want his breakfast..." She checked the window. "Probably an hour ago"

Gaius fixed her with a stern look. "Sit down"

With a low muttering and a 'You better explain to him why his poor stomach is grumbling' Merlin sunk down onto the spare bed and waited for the onslaught of health questions and poking that was to come.

* * *

"And where have you been?" Came Arthur's incredulous tone when Merlin was eventually released from Gaius' examination. According to him, she was perfectly healthy. He said that was worrying. Merlin didn't understand that.

A lot of people were going to ask her where she had been. Cursed Mordred. She thought humourlessly.

"Sorry, Gaius wanted me to help him with a tricky potion" She lied coolly. See, sometimes she could lie.

"Don't lie to me, Merlin" Arthur replied sternly, hands on hips.

Oh. Merlin thought. Maybe not then...

"I was sick, Gaius was just being overprotective" Merlin replied honestly this time, letting her frustration show as to let her King know it was not by her own choice. Unfortunately, Arthur was in one of his ridiculously considerate moods that only ever came when she _didn't _want them.

His expression changed and his arms crossed over his chest. "Sick? Are you alright now?"

Merlin shook her head. "Yes! Here's your breakfast, sire"

"I've already eaten with Guinevere this morning" Arthur said sharply, pointing at her. "Your hair is down"

"What?" Merlin uttered, disbelieving.

The King returned the look with one of his own, thus beginning a staring competition of curled lips and risen eyebrows. "You never have your hair down"

Merlin blinked and shook her head, noting for the first time how her hair moved freely. It was annoying. If it weren't for secretly liking the feeling of combing her fingers through it when it was freshly washed, Merlin would have hacked it off years ago and dealt with being mistaken for a man.

"I wanted a change" She shrugged, before turning on her heels and walking to his wardrobe. Abruptly she turned back, eyes narrowed. "You're dressed..."

Arthur rolled his eyes. "Yes, I can dress myself"

"No you can't" She said mercilessly.

They stared each other down for a moment, each knowing the other was hiding something. Merlin tilted her head, and the king before her shook his head looking away: an air of a sulking child radiating off of him. After everything that had happened in the last nine years, one thing had remained a constant and for that Merlin was grateful. It was their unyielding friendship that had survived usurping servants, a king, numerous bandits, Morgana and a horrific amount of people mistaking them for lovers.

"If you're done making a fool of yourself, _Mer_lin, then I need you to prepare a picnic" Arthur told her finally, releasing his arms and stalking off to sit behind his desk.

Merlin's interest quirked and she smiled goofily. "Picnic? For Gwen? Isn't she going on a walk with Sir Mordred this afternoon?"

Arthur's eyes snapped up to her, a searching expression hidden within them. "Yes, she is. Only she only just told me that moments ago, how did you know?"

The maid shrugged. "I overheard the knights talking on my way up: 'Mordred's right of passage' they were saying"

He did not fully believe her, despite the plausibility of her answer but he let it go. "Well, I intend to intercept them at a clearing, offer Guinevere some wine and fine foods, and send Mordred back alone. And you, are going to help me"

Merlin's shoulders drooped and she scowled half-heartedly. "Ever the romantic, eh sire?"

Arthur smirked and gave her an 'Why of course, I'm the bloody king' look before sauntering out of the room, knowing Merlin would be hot on his tails.

* * *

**Sorry for such a long wait! I'm going through some unexpected stress right now with my health and general life, and the stress kinda killed my muse and made fanfiction the last thing on my mind. But I am back! Updates won't be as regular as they were before, but this story is not abandoned or whatever, it shall go on.**

**Now, who else is excited for Alator's return? I bloody love Alator. My theory for Sat's episode is this: Alator gets in trouble with Morgana, Morgana uses him to lure Emrys out, Merlin comes to rescue Alator, Morgana stabs Merlin while STILL not realising he's Emrys, the sorceress lady stranger heals Merlin, Merlin helps her escape Camelot's knights, they rescue Alator and all is well...**

**Probably completely wrong, but ah well. I'm eagerly awaiting this magic reveal that suppose to be happening soon...**


	7. Quote Previews

1. Why don't you just kill me now?

* * *

2. You are like a sister to me. No matter what happens, I will be here for you.

* * *

3. Why you!? Why do you, whom has no husband, no known courter... You!...A... A _whore _get a child, and yet I... I...

* * *

4. I hope you realise that - has a big family. Mess with - and you mess with us all

* * *

5. Ratta tat tat tat  
I wonder who is that  
At the door  
Whose footsteps echo across the floor  
Why I do believe, my good four  
It is someone you all know and adore

* * *

6. Why are you doing this to me? What have I done that has meant I deserve _this?_

* * *

7. I don't care who has to suffer, I will not rest until - is dead

* * *

8. I love you... I'm so sorry for that

* * *

9. One day there will be a world where we can be free, where your child can run because they want to and not because they have to. A world where those with magic are safe and loved. Please. Let me do this, -.

* * *

10. Everyone knows the King and his maid have been having... relations... just look at her, blown up bigger than a goose at solstice

* * *

11. You are not alone anymore

* * *

12. Are you... jealous?

* * *

13. You hurt a single hair on his head, and I will wipe you from existence.

* * *

14. Destiny is a load of horseshit

* * *

15. By order of the laws of Camelot, instilled by my father King Uther Pendragon, I Arthur Pendragon sentence you, -, to death by pyre. Do you have anything to say for yourself?

* * *

**A selection of lines that will be said by a number of different characters over the course of this story. Since it will probably be some time before the next chapter is up, my friend suggested I give you guys this.  
Everything above is said by one of the characters, all of whom have already appeared in this story. I'd love to hear your guesses and speculations over who said them, and who they're saying them to. For the last one, it's just who Arthur is sentencing. **


	8. Unbreakable

**Can we all just pause for a minute and think of the families that have lost their precious angels today. 27 people, 18 of them children won't be able to open their gifts this Christmas. Our thoughts are with them and the families that mourn them. **

**x X x Rest in Peace x X x  
**

* * *

_Gwen yelped, flinching violently in her bed and instantly waking her snoring husband. The Queen braced herself on the bedside table and took deep breaths, eyes wide and looking around the room. That sound... that thunderous. sound..._

_"Guinevere? Gwen...? What's wrong, my love?" Arthur asked sleepily but worried, placing hand on Gwen's shoulder and rubbing circles between her shoulder blades._

_"Did you hear that?" She hissed, hands shaking as she turned around and fell into Arthur's arms._

_Arthur held her close and stroked her hair, frowning over the top of her head. "Hear what, Guinevere?"_

_Gwen closed her eyes, breathing in her husbands scent- hot steel, warm leather and expensive spice- and shook her head lightly, forcing herself to laugh breathy and dismissively._

_"Nothing... Must have dreamt it"_

* * *

Merlin stood stock still, eyes glazed over as the head kitchen maid ranted. She honestly had no idea why Mary got so angry with her, she was merely a messenger... what was that term? Don't shoot the messenger? Don't yell at the messenger? Don't throw goblets at the mess-

"Are you even listening to me, girl!?" Mary shouted, her plump pink face reddening and her fat hands landing on her hips haughtily.

The witch, who was a foot and a half taller than the kitchen maid- Merlin was tall for a woman, in fact she was also tall for a man, as she stood two inches taller than Arthur- blinked back into reality and lazily peered down at Mary. She pulled her mouth into a sappy grin.

"Sorry Mary, but the King requires it" She said with a head tilt and an apologetic shrug of her boney shoulders.

For a moment, Mary looked ready to hit Merlin, but instead settled for smacking her cheek with the back of the wooden spoon and marching off shouting orders for a basket to be made up for the royals. Merlin let out a weak, non-committal 'Ow' at the gesture, but otherwise drifted straight back into her previous thoughts.

Why was Arthur choosing to interrupt Gwen's walk with Mordred? Admittedly Arthur had always been rather sickeningly adoring of Gwen, in a sweet and slightly cute way, but never before had his affections warranted such odd behaviour. If Merlin was honest, intercepting her walk was a rather like a stalker: surely married life wasn't that restricting? If it was then Merlin was never getting married.

"Here you are, girl" Mary said, shoving the basket into Merlin's long arms. Arms which accepted the basket automatically, without their owner's full awareness.

"Oh, thanks!" Merlin grinned brightly and somewhat dozily. She adjusted it onto her hip and nodded to Mary, and then at the maids who had made up the basket.

Mary coughed loudly when Merlin turned away. The witch slowly turned around, a confused frown on her face.

In Mary's hand was a bun. Glazed with a red berry paste smeared on the top.

Biting her lip and squashing down her hope, Merlin gave Mary a questioning look. The maid tutted in amusement and dumped it on top of the basket: her face fond and her eyes twinkling.

"Your far too skinny, child. Eat up and don't let that boy run you around too much" Mary said, knowing Merlin would not report her for referring to the king as 'that boy'.

Merlin flashed her a stunning smile. It faltered when she remembered she had somewhere to be, and automatically turned away: near tripping over her skirts in her haste.

"Thank you, Mary!" She shouted as she scuttled down the corridors, barely hearing Mary's hearty laugh echo back to her.

* * *

The intercepting went rather smoothly. Arthur appeared from behind a tree, presenting Gwen with some flowers and lead her to a clearing where Merlin was just finishing setting up. The clearing itself was not particularly magnificent, but given the time of year- a cool Autumn- the leaves were beginning to fall and painted the earth in a brilliant wave of reds, oranges, yellows, browns and greens.

The grass was moist with dew despite it being the afternoon, so Merlin had to put down two blankets as the first quickly became damp. She had barely finished setting down the final touches when Arthur lead Gwen over and helped her down.

Gwen perched elegantly on the edge, her purple skirts fanning out in a long, wealthy waterfall. Her hair was understated, left loose with only a lock at each ear pulled in a tie back and her first action was to reach out and grasp Merlin's hand.

"Thank you, Merlin" She smiled warmly. Surprised, but pleasantly so, Merlin grinned back.

"Enjoy, my lady" The maid replied, eyes sparkling as she once more admired her best friend. She had helped get Gwen here, she was the reason Arthur made that leap. Gwen looked magnificent, and Merlin had played a massive part in her friend's happiness.

Gwen stroked a thumb across Merlin's knuckles and then drew away, instead turning her gaze to her husband.

A few paces away Mordred stood an outsider. He watched with a small, secretive smile as his king and queen settled down for their meal while Merlin tended to them. The coldness of Autumn was not as bad under the rays of the sun pouring into the clearing, and standing out allowed Mordred to look in: the scene before him was another he knew he would always treasure.

The King and Queen, thoroughly distracted by each other. The sun reflecting off of their skin and hair and goblets as they laughed and gazed lovingly into each others eyes. And then Merlin, looking equally radiant, milling around piling up two polished plates with fruit. Her hair was still down and it fell in a long, smooth channel that made Mordred's fingers twitch to comb through one more time.

Suddenly, Merlin straightened, staring at her King. Mordred could hear the King saying something but could not distinguish the words. The Queen's soft chuckle echoed through the forest clearing as Merlin haughtily replied with a grin.

Then Merlin turned around with one last wave to the Queen and began walking towards Mordred. The closer she got to the knight, she more closed off her expression got. It saddened him, but he knew there was nothing that could be done about it for now.

"Come on, Arthur says you're to escort me back to Camelot" Merlin told him, an interesting quirk to her lips. An inside joke.

"We both know you don't need escorting" Mordred replied, letting her walk a pace in front of him.

Merlin peered over her shoulder at him, and then beyond him to the royal couple. "Arthur doesn't know that"

For a long time they walked in painful silence.

"I think it is good that the King cares for you. Ordering a knight to escort a servant is not something most Kings would do" Mordred absently stated, pausing to smooth a leaf between his fingers and watching it as the bronzed leaf fluttered to the ground.

The witch snorted, snatching Mordred's attention back to her. They were almost back in Camelot.

"He doesn't care, he just wanted some alone time with Gwen"

"That may be, but the fact remains"

Suddenly, Merlin spun around and walked up to Mordred, forcing him to back up into a tree. She glared up at him, something behind her eyes spoke of a hidden threat should he not stop talking.

"Everything. Everything that has happened between us" Merlin said, her voice eerily calm. "It changes nothing. Stop pretending to care"

Mordred watched her turn on her heels and pace hurriedly down the path to where he knew Camelot's gates stood just hidden. Hurt marred his face as he watched her leave.

_How can you say that when I have always loved you? _He called to her with his mind. _The way I feel... this is no pretend game, Emrys_

Even though she was beyond his sight, he felt her freeze.

_If that were even the slightest bit true, then you would not have left me to the Saxons in that cave _

And with that, she blocked him from her mind. No matter not hard he tried to breach it and respond, to justify his actions, he could not. Her wall was unbreakable.

Just like his love for her.

* * *

**Bit of a short one, but filler chapters kinda need to happen. I know Merlin has done some horrible stuff to Mordred, but at least she's not then turning around and telling him she loves him; Mordred is stabbing her in the back and then trying to tell her she is his world. No. Doesn't work like that Mordred. Actions speak louder than words. **

**This story will massively deviate from the series now. Everything from episode 2 onwards never happened, and an entirely different set of events is going to occur now.**

**I've looked through the guesses that people have sent and can tell you that the only one correctly guessed was number 3, Gwen is indeed shouting this at Merlin.**


	9. Crocuses

When Merlin walked through the field carrying spears, Gwaine elbowed Elyan.

"Mordred" Gwaine whispered, nodding at the knight. Elyan looked, and frowned. "Young lovers, eh?"

The knight in question was following Merlin's path with his eyes, a clear expression of intense longing on his face. He looked pained, and as though the urge to go up to her was burning under his skin. It was a look Elyan had grown used to seeing on the young knight's face.

He shook his head at Gwaine. "Show me something new. I still don't believe Merlin returns his feelings. They are not lovers"

Gwaine pouted as the knight turned away and began warming up. He had been scrapping to find any indication that Merlin returned Mordred's affections all week, he wanted to be right: he knew he was right and he knew what he saw that night. The knight was certain Merlin was just in denial for some reason.

He had caught her glance Mordred's way, but Elyan nor Percival had ever been within elbowing reach to discreetly show them the brilliant, burning evidence before them. If they didn't see those glances, they never happened. Gwaine hated being assumed wrong, when he new he was right.

So he decided to take things into his own hands.

Licking his lips and swinging his sword casually, Gwaine made his way over to the younger knight and propositioned a spar. Usually Gwaine only sparred with Mordred when he was hungover or drunk and did not want the Princess to find out, since it was hopelessly obvious that Mordred could not concentrate when Merlin was on the field too. It was somewhat worrying, but even more so endearing. Gwaine liked to think of himself as Mordred's helpful elder brother, giving his little brother some pointers and being his right hand man.

When Mordred next looked over at Merlin, as he always did, Gwaine followed his gaze and pretended that this was the first time he'd noticed it.

"Give her some flowers" Gwaine recommended. "She likes crocuses"

Mordred's head snapped around to stare at him so fast that had Gwaine not been so serious, he would have laughed. The boy's lips pursed and his expression was one of completely composure: his normal one. But Gwaine could see the seed had been planted in his mind, and knew that Mordred was considering Gwaine's suggestion.

Just as they drew arms again, Mordred's low voice made him pause.

"Crocuses?"

Gwaine nodded with a grin. "She loves them, and Gentian, but I don't think you can get them this time of year"

Mordred looked momentarily surprised. "You know a lot about flowers"

He shrugged. "I've wooed many women with flowers, they are useful tools for a man"

Their swords met with a clang. Gwaine felt the satisfying strain of his muscles, and noted with a pleased air that Mordred's swing was getting stronger: that was something to mention to Arthur afterwards.

"How do you know she likes crocuses and gentian?" Mordred then asked, parrying Gwaine's offense easily, his expression thoughtful.

Aiming for the lad's legs, Gwaine answered. "She picks them on our quests. A crocus was also the flower I gave her when I attempted to woo her"

Mordred's defense was sharp, and smooth.

"You tried to court her?"

"Yup. Failed. Miserably" Gwaine managed between the quick blows. It was distracting, talking to Mordred about Merlin, but it seemed to improve Mordred's performance.

Mordred's chuckle surprised Gwaine, but in a good way. It was rare for the youngest knight to let his emotions show.

"She is a cold woman when it comes to the matter of love it seems" He replied, lunging at Gwaine's stomach. Gwaine spun away and took a swing at Mordred's unprotected right side.

"Ah, I'm sure with the right fella she'll melt" Gwaine laughed, making sure not to dissuade Mordred from courting Merlin. "Who knows that fella could be you"

Mordred shook his head and blocked him.

"I doubt that very much"

Really? Gwaine was not impressed with this young man's pessimism.

"You never know until you try, my friend" He encouraged with his trade mark grin and wink. With a sharp twist and a lunge, Gwaine performed his signature move and Mordred's sword was sent flying. The Druid gazed at his hands for a moment before going to pick up his sword.

Gwaine came forward and clapped him on the shoulder. "Crocus and gentian, my friend. Crocus and gentian"

And with that, he walked away to challenge Percival.

* * *

Merlin stared at the flowers under her nose, going slightly cross eyed in the process.

She looked beyond them to where Mordred stood blushing furiously. He was looking anywhere but her in the stuffy armory, cringing on the spot like an embarrassed child.

"What are those?" She asked dumbly, taking a step back so the flowers were not so in-her-face.

"T-They are crocuses... I could not find any gentian..." The youngest knight fumbled with his words.

Merlin wanted to be angry. She wanted to be furious that Mordred was doing this despite her declarations a few days before that she wanted nothing more to do with him, and that he was to forget everything between them. But after a day filled with Gaius' endless list of herb resources, Arthur whining about Merlin's incompetence when completing her chores and the knights playing a joke on her by hiding her neckerchief under a mistletoe... she was finding it very hard. Despite everything, her mouth twitched up at the corners. She fought it, but in the end gave up and grasped her slender fingers around the small batch of flowers.

"Thank you, Mordred" She smiled brightly at him, lighting up the entire musky armory in Mordred's opinion. She smelt them and admired them. "I love crocuses"

Mordred returned her smile with a nervous one of his own. "Yes. Yes- I- I know... Do you like them?"

Merlin cocked a brow at the boy before her- for that was all he was, just a boy- and couldn't help but be reminded of an eager puppy. Her heart ached with fondness, despite the shrill voice in her head telling her to throw the flowers back in his face and storm out. Funnily enough, the voice sounded like Morgana's.

"I do, thank you" She reached out and rested her hand on Mordred's arm, not caring that the fabric of his jerkin was soaked with sweat from training. "What I said earlier-"

"You were angry, Merlin" Confident Mordred had returned with full force. She blinked at the sudden change. He smiled wanly at her. "You had every right to be. All I can say is that I am sorry for leaving you there..."

_Sorry!? He's sorry!?_ Morgana's voice squawked. Merlin fought back a scowl. "Yes well... thank you again Mordred for the flowers."

And with that, she nodded to him and left. Only stopping and cursing when she was half way to the Physician's chambers, remembering that she had over half of Arthur's armor down in the armory. Now she would have to go back.

Thankfully, after pacing the corridor cursing her stupidity and making the slowest walk back possible, Mordred was long gone. Merlin couldn't help but notice the crocuses were beginning to wilt...

* * *

**Thank you everyone for your amazing reviews! I do not deserve such kindness from all of you. I love you all xx I feel especially bad because I've just finished the plan and I know how this is ending now... You might not like me at all by then... Even so! There's going to be lots of humor, friendship, angst and fluff to make up for that :D**


	10. Shifted Friendship

_7 weeks later_

Merlin smacked her lips, earning herself a glare from her king.

She shifted irritably on the spot, the goblet in her hands seemed much heavier as she gnawed on her lip and looked around the room.

Gwen, who watched her friend in amusement, spoke. "Would you like to sit down with us, Merlin?"

The maid and secret witch looked surprised but shook her head. Her eyes trailed down to the grapes on Gwen's plate and she felt her stomach twist in anticipation. Gods... She smacked her lips again.

"For the love of Camelot Merlin! Sit down and eat something, anything to shut you up" Arthur growled, jabbing a finger at one of the seats and promptly turning back to the paperwork piled up to his right.

"Calm down, Arthur. And do sit, Merlin" Gwen smiled, noting her husband's distress. "Oh Merlin..."

The two royals looked up and were shocked to see Merlin popping as many grapes as humanly possible into her mouth. Cheeks blown up, Merlin stared back at them with wide eyes, like a deer caught under a hunter's gaze.

Gwen's mouth hung in an elegant 'O' whereas Arthur's lip curled and his eyebrow rose.

Merlin chewed. Grape juice burst inside her mouth and dribbled down her chin no matter how hard she pressed her lips together. Her eyes closed and she groaned at the flavor. Grapes...

"Someone's hungry this morning" The king said blandly, recovering first.

Gurgling through grape guts, Merlin managed a sly response "If-goo-gign't vork ge so hard I woggunt gee so ungry"

Gwen tsked as she handed Merlin a cloth "Merlin, swallow before you speak"

Merlin gave Gwen a wide, closed mouth grin as she moped her face up and swallowed the grapes. As soon as the grapes were gone, her tongue screamed for more and before she knew it her hands were selecting the grapes from the fruit bowl with a meticulousness better serving a tailor. This time however, she ate them one after another.

"Merlin, must you eat like one of my hunting dogs?" Arthur asked her finally, glaring up from his speech.

The maid tilted her head. "Wut goo goo mean?"

"I think he means" Gwen said lightly, shooting her husband a warning look. "That you don't usually eat with such... gusto"

Merlin thought about it, her hands resting on the table and her face a mask of wonder. "Its just grapes, Gwen... All I can think about is grapes. I never realised how amazing grapes taste"

Her words were met with silence, and then.

"Merlin, I don't think I have ever met such a buffoon as you. Why don't you go and polish my armour, and ponder on the great taste of grapes elsewhere, leaving my wife and I in peace"

"Can I take the grapes with me?"

"Merlin"

"Going"

The witch hoisted herself out of the chair, adjusted her skirts and bowed- not curtsied- to the royal couple. Her fingers itched for another grape, but she resisted and turned to the door.

Once the door closed, Gwen turned with wide eyes to her husband.

"Arthur..."

The King of Camelot frowned, clueless as to why his wife was looking at him with such awe. Gwen inclined her head, eyebrows raised but was met with a blank expression.

"What is it, Guinevere?" He asked.

She nodded to the door and rose her eyebrows again for emphasis. He stared at her gormless.

"Oh dear gods, Arthur!" Gwen gushed, amazed at her husband's level of density. At her sudden exclamation, Arthur jumped, looking concerned by his wife's sudden use of curses.

"Is everything alright, Guinevere?"

The Queen gaped at him, her head slowly shaking. Then, she schooled her features and smiled pityingly at him, bringing a rip of bread up to her mouth and daintily eating it.

"Nothing, Arthur... I just realised something is all"

Gwen wasn't sure what was more worrying: the fact that Arthur had not noticed Merlin showing the very same signs as she had during her pregnancies, or that Arthur dropped the matter so quickly in favour of his breakfast and a stack of paper on crops...

* * *

Later that day, Merlin was stripping the sheets when Gwen came in. Arthur was away on a patrol and would not be back for at least another two hours, which gave the Queen amble time to confront her friend.

For a moment, Gwen stood by the door. She had entered quietly, and Merlin was so engrossed in her work she did not hear the Queen enter.

Merlin was pretty- Gwen had always been envious of Merlin's elven beauty- and tall. Gwen could see why Mordred was so enamored by her. Merlin stood tall like a slender willow tree: her skin a soft white with next to no blemishes; her hair was impossibly black and bunched up on her head in an adorably Merlin-like messiness; her features were angled and firm but dainty, as though carved from marble by the finest Roman sculptors; her swan neck was partially covered by a large red neckerchief. Her tatty blue dress normally hung on Merlin's frame, but Gwen noticed a distinctive tightness around the abdomen that one would only see if looking for it.

A smile grew on her face, but one that was tainted with worry. Concern for her friend's future.

"Merlin" She called softly.

The woman on the other side of the room started, dropping the bed sheets and spinning around with hand outstretched. The gesture was so strange that Gwen could not hold back a light giggle. Merlin's face morphed from one of wide-eyed shock, to a look of relief and fondness.

"Gwen... Gods you scared me. Ever heard of knocking?" She rose a brow cheekily. Gwen shook her head in amusement. Would her husband ever not be the butt of Merlin's jibes?

The Queen walked up to the bed, siding opposite Merlin, and picked up one of the corners of the sheets, remembering how she once did this weekly, and sometimes nightly. Merlin didn't say a word, instead she moved and began to strip the pillow covers off. Gwen liked that about Merlin: she treated her no differently because she was queen, and understood her need for her old life every now and again.

They worked together in silence, exchanging smiles as they folded up the dirty sheets and unfolded the fresh ones.

"Is Mordred the father?" Gwen blurted suddenly, channeling Arthur. She winced at her bluntness.

Merlin froze, gaping at her with mouth twitching upwards. "What...?" She breathed.

Gwen's mouth opened and closed. "Well... I mean... I saw you and he... You came out of his chambers... And... erm... you were fixing your dress... I just assumed... well... I apologise Merlin, I-"

"Gwen, Gwen, Gwen" Merlin interrupted, rushing around the bed and grasping Gwen's arms, eyes wide and bemused. "What are you talking about?"

"I just meant... out of curiosity and since I'm your friend... I thought... Well..."

Merlin rose her eyebrows, urging her friend on.

"Is Mordred the father?" Gwen repeated, her voice squeaking somewhat.

The maid in front of her was shaking her head, a look of sheer confusion on her face. Gwen felt an uneasy sensation pool in her gut: Oh gods, please may Merlin already know... "Is Mordred the father of what?"

Gwen closed her eyes. Oh gods she didn't.

"I am so sorry, Merlin... Well... I thought you knew and-"

"Hey" Merlin soothed, guiding Gwen down onto the bed. The two women perched there, their hands joining on Gwen's knees. "Give yourself a moment to think about what you need to say?"

Gwen smiled thankfully and composed herself. Her eyes fluttered closed and she took a deep breath. When she opened her eyes, a queen was in her place.

"Are you aware that you are pregnant, Merlin?" She asked firmly, but kindly.

Merlin's face was utterly blank.

"I will take that as a no" Gwen continued. "As you know, I have been pregnant thrice before and know the symptoms. One of which is a strong desire for a specific food- a craving if you will- and for you that seems to be a rather... intense craving for grapes"

"No"

Gwen opened her mouth to speak, noticing the tell-tale signs of shock. "Mer-"

"No" Merlin tore her hands out of Gwen's.

The Queen grasped for her friend, but Merlin launched herself away near tripping over her skirts in her haste. Gwen rose and grabbed Merlin's shoulders tightly, fighting against the maid as she tried to shrug her off.

"Merlin, please listen to me-"

"No. No. No. No" Merlin recounted over and over again. She turned around, battering away Gwen's arms and walking backwards towards the door.

Gwen threw herself forward just as Merlin sidestepped out of her grip and wrapped her arms wide around Merlin. Merlin may be a foot taller than her, but she was thin as a bean pole bar the slight swell of her stomach. Gwen held the woman with strong arms and all but dragged her over to a chair and dumped her down into it.

Merlin tried to rise, but Gwen pinned her there with both hands on her shoulders. Gwen looked deep into Merlin's eyes. Brown on blue.

"Gwen. Let. Me. Go"

The maid's voice shook, but there was a determination behind them that shifted something inside Gwen. As she looked down at her friend- one of the rare times she could- and realised that she had been wrong. Their friendship had shifted, more dramatically than she originally thought.

Merlin didn't need her. At least not yet. The girl who laughed at danger, that was what they called her in the lower towns when Merlin first arrived. Originally a silly jibe, it quickly became apparent that the young girl was just that: a girl who quirked a grin at even the most hostile nobles who looked down at her and hurried along beside the Prince, now King, to face even the deadliest of creatures with a spring in her step. Merlin was not like Gwen, Merlin was a woman amongst men. Not as their flower, but their rock. Gwen, no matter how she often she managed to silence an entire court room with a mere glance, could never compete with Merlin's ability to grit her teeth and get on with it.

Merlin was a tough country girl, Gwen was a city dweller who barely knew what country was before the trip to help Ealdor from bandits ten years ago.

Merlin was more at home with the knights in the middle of a forest, under the stars with swords readied, a fire going, the hard earth to sleep on and threats lying hidden in the darkness, than she ever was standing in the steaming laundry rooms chatting to Gwen while they cleaned their respective masters' clothes.

Gwen couldn't provide Merlin with anything right now. But one day Merlin would need her and Gwen promised then and there, silently, that she would be.

As the Queen of Camelot released her friend's shoulders and watched her march quickly from the royal chambers, Gwen took a deep breath and prayed for Merlin's future.

* * *

**This story needs to get moving, so here we are skipping forward seven weeks. Merlin is at this point about two and a half months pregnant and starting to show. This chapter originally had a different ending, but it clashed with the next chapter so I changed it. Here's some humour and Merlin/Arthur banter for you :)  
From now on the story is going to progress much more quickly. Gwen and Merlin's friendship was practically non-existent by series 5 I've noticed, bar the odd comment to each other. There was none of their normal side ways exasperated looks or silly games like 'Arthur or Lancelot? If you could?' and 'Who'd want to marry Arthur?'. I miss those moments, but in the case of Merlin and Gwen's friendship I will be staying true to the series and making them more distant. More distant than Gwen originally realised. **

**Thank you all for your lovely reviews! You're absolutely amazing and it's your reviews that keep me motivated with this story. :D  
**


	11. Promise Me

Merlin ran through the corridors, pushing past servants and guards alike. Most side stepped or jumped out of her way, accustomed to seeing the King's maid rushing around carelessly.

Her mind was a vicious blur. Thoughts barely surfaced before scattering away amongst millions of other sensations and feelings. Muddled up inside her were more emotions than she could ever count: the main of which being denial.

Turning around a corner, Merlin slammed straight into hard, unforgiving armor.

"Merlin!" A familiar voice cried, gloved hands automatically catching her arms.

The maid stood stock still, trying to regain her bearings for a moment, before looking up into Leon's mildly amused and concerned eyes.

She forced a smile. "Whoops, clumsy me"

Leon's returning smile with rueful "It was my fault, I should have been looking where I was going"

Grateful for the sudden clarity in her mind, Merlin tilted her head and her grin became genuine. "If anyone can see where they're going it's you"

The knight laughed darkly, releasing her arms. Not long ago Leon had walked straight into a tree during a patrol, and the news had spread like wildfire. As soon as word reached Gwaine's ears, there was little to no chance that even the lowest level servants didn't know about Sir Perfect's mishap. While the gossiping maids giggled about it, only Leon's closest friends teased him to his face.

"I could have you in the stocks" He told her.

"Careful, you're sounding like Arthur" She shot back, her grin ever expanding.

Leon looked away in exasperation, but his mouth was quirked. He sobered quickly however, as he always did. "Why were you in such a rush?"

'From Arthur's chambers' was left unsaid. Merlin felt her smile fade.

"Ah just you know, prat's orders. Mustn't let the Princess go unattended" Merlin quipped, angling from side to side as she spoke. Leon's brow furrowed. Her stomach dropped.

"I just saw Arthur" His tone was warning, and the concern was back.

Merlin waved a hand dismissively. "You're getting old, Leon. Must be your memory playing tricks on you"

Leon was no longer in the joking mood, and his eyes narrowed. "I'm thirty-three, Merlin, that's not old. What's happened?"

Gods, she hated the knight in Leon. She much preferred her playful, jovial friend. "Nothing, Leon. I need to go-"

He grabbed her arm again as she turned away. Merlin wanted to glare at him, she wanted to scream at him and do... something. But his face had once again morphed into a mask of worry.

"Can you promise me that?" His voice was low, as though they were exchanging a secret.

Merlin's mouth opened and closed, and then pursed into a tight smile. She nodded hurriedly.

Reluctantly, the knight released her once more and watched with brow creased as she hurried down the corridor and disappeared from sight.

* * *

Gaius looked up when the door burst open. There stood his ward, a stony expression on her face.

His intimidate thought was that Morgana had struck. The look was too dark for just another of Arthur's acts of 'prattishness', but after a moment he realised it was too blank for a Camelot Crisis.

"I'm pregnant aren't I?" She asked, voice weak.

Gaius blanched as Merlin's steady blue eyes pinned him down where he stood. He looked down at his hands. "I had suspected. You have begun to show the signs... I had hoped I was mistaken"

"You are not"

"We don't know just yet-"

"Look at me, Gauis" Merlin hissed, slamming the door shut with magic as she marched up to the older man. "Gwen noticed. You noticed. The two people who would know"

Father and daughter stared at each other, eyes swimming with numerous different emotions. Merlin suddenly felt very empty as Gaius rubbed his eyes tiredly. She tried to find an emotion to express. One to pinpoint. But there was nothing. Her limbs felt heavy and she found herself gazing down at her knees in a daze as she slumped down onto the bench.

"I don't know if I'm angry. Sad. Upset. Furious. Scared. Humiliated...Happy..." Her brow creased at the last word. "What can I do? A bastard child in Camelot... no one will ever speak to me again-"

Gaius' hand came to rest on one of her knee's, drawing her eyes back up to him.

He was smiling at her.

"The gift of a child is not something to be taken lightly, Merlin. But nor is it something that should be scorned. Your mother did it, and you are just as strong and determined as she was" The Physician shook her knee as if to ignite hope within her. "The bond between a mother and her child surpasses the petty whispers of kitchen maids and stable hands"

Merlin blinked at him owlishly, stunned by his sudden passion. Lately, Gauis only ever spoke with a weary tone and an ache to his bones. Now, it was as if years were burnt away by the flames of the physician's love for his niece, and the memory of his younger sister's achievements in raising said niece.

"Your mother had her friends, and you have yours. If any of those boys do not stand by you, then they shall have me to answer to" Gaius said, inclining his head in an utterly Gaius-like manner.

Merlin laughed weakly. "Then gods help them"

"And that is before even Gwen has gotten to them"

"You know Leon stopped me on my way here. He asked me if everything was alright and wouldn't let me go until I'd promised it was"

Gaius nodded approvingly. "There you go then. Now my child, those leech tanks won't clean themselves"

Merlin gaped at him as he hobbled back onto his feet and around the table, pointing to the tanks. The physician rose a famous brow at her reaction. A beat.

The witch broke out into a wide smile, laughter bubbling out. Gaius smiled and laughed too, and soon the pair were chuckling away together.

Their chuckles did not die until a faint knock sounded at the door, and a familiar face poked around it.

It was Mordred.

* * *

**So, not as long as people have requested, but I needed to get something up. People have asked for a timeline, and an explanation for Gwen's statement about being thrice pregnant. Well here you go:  
Series 1 to series 5 is canon about nine years. If you add each series as one year each, and the year gaps between series 2, 3 and 4, and then the three years between 4 and 5 then it works out as roughly nine years.  
In this story, during the three years of Arthur and Gwen's marriage, there have been two miscarriages and one stillbirth. This has left a huge impact on Gwen, and will become apparent as the story goes on.  
****All the knights will have cute, heart-to-heart caring brotherly moments with Merlin throughout this story, some a few times over. This includes: Arthur, Leon, Percival, Elyan and most of all Gwaine. At this moment in time, Merlin has five overprotective big brothers (Well, Gwaine's are more leaning towards romance but hey), and this is not something I'm going to leave out in favour of merdred. Merdred will happen! But Merdred, along with the actual pregnancy, will take a step back and the friendship side of this story, and now the group is just one big surrogate family will be more the 'focus'. How their bonds are tested, how they change, and how they develop. :D **


	12. Writers Block

**I'm sorry to all my readers, but I'm not sure right now as to when the next update will be as I've hit a block. School work and such is getting in the way, what with a dozen or so deadlines around the corner, and my creative 'flow' as the hipsters would put it has been strangled to an inch of its life and is currently recovering in intensive care. I have NOT abandoned the story however (Spent too long planning the fucker to give up on it now) and I promise you that you will get an update, I'm just not sure when. For now, have some previews that I wrote but haven't actually put into the timeline yet nor have been edited! These might not feature in the final run, but even so:**

* * *

****Merlin quirked a brow at Gaius.

"I have four brothers, a sister and a father here in Camelot" Merlin told him. "I think I can say I'm well supported"

Gaius's mouth rose into a fond smile at her words. She considered the knights her brothers, Gwen her sister and Gaius her father. Her words meant more to Gaius than she would ever know.

* * *

"Look what we've got here, lads" The bandit sneered.

Merlin turned and glared at the men rising out from the bushes. Her stomach protruded and made her movements sluggish: Gwen had warned her not to go out with the knights anymore, as had Gaius, but her need for adventure got in the way. Perhaps she should have listened.

"I wouldn't" Merlin told them, placing a hand on her belly and backing away to here she knew Gwaine was gathering wood.

"And why wouldn't we?" One of the five bandits asked, leering at her full chest.

She lifted her chin and screamed loudly. Her scream rattled through the forest and the birds scattered. For a moment, there was silence.

"That it?" A scrawny bandit asked, peering around the forest.

Then came the distant sounds of bushes whipping. Someone was running towards them. No... more than one.

All at once, six men thundered through the trees: all dressed in brilliant red Camelot cloaks and wielding the finest swords in the land. With angry roars the knights slammed straight into the fight.

Mordred grabbed Merlin's wrist and pulled her away from the fray.

The fight was over in minutes.

Breathing heavily, with eyes blazing, the four men turned and eyed Merlin: scouring her for injuries.

"Are you alright?" Leon asked first as Mordred held her face and peered into her eyes, shocking her with how genuine the concern in his eyes shone. She pushed away Mordred's hands gently, sending him a small smile, and nodded to Leon, telling the entire group that the bandits simply made her jump.

Arthur stood off to the side, eyes fixed on Merlin as if expecting her to drop dead. "This is the last time you come out with us, Merlin"

It was a statement. Solid. No room for argument.

The knights all winced in sympathy when they saw her crushed expression, but none of them jumped to her defense. They knew it wasn't safe, this proved it. She was eight months along now: if it weren't for Gaius's firm words to Gwen, Merlin would be bed bound out of miscarriage paranoia that had struck the Queen of Camelot.

She felt Mordred's hand brush down her arm. Oddly the action soothed her.


	13. Disturbing News

**Here there everyone! Thank you all for being so patient, and I'm so sorry for the wait! Lots of stuff has come up so updates will be erratic but they will NEVER stop... until the story is complete. Which brings me onto my first point.**  
**I am, even though it's early days, planning a series of sequels to this. It might not happen, but even so I am planning them. The one that's pretty much determined is 'Hope To Die', as given the nature of this story's ending, a sequel is kinda required. You guys may hate me by the end of this, and would rather burn me rather than read a sequel. It all depends on my muse and whether or not you guys still like me.**  
**Second point. Any Elyan fans out there? Fancy featuring in this story as Elyan's love interest for a few small scenes? If you're an Elyan fan and would like to have either yourself or an OC as his love interest for this story, when let me know in the reviews with a brief description of yourself/your OC and I'll try to include you. If more than one person wants to be Elyan's love interest, I will randomly chose one to be Elyan's beau and the others will still feature as background characters :) (Although they won't be bitchy maids, unless you want them to be).**  
**And finally, a chapter much delayed:**

* * *

Mordred smiled instinctively when he saw Merlin. She was sat opposite her surrogate father, laughter bubbling out of her chest and a radiant smile plastered on her face: when she turned to look at him, her laughter faded but her smile remained. He rejoiced silently.

"Ah, Sir Mordred, how may I help you?" Gaius asked, rising from his seat.

The knight blushed and took one step into the room. "No aliments, thankfully. I simply came to inform you that Arthur has called a meeting, and wants the both of you there"

He looked back over at Merlin and smiled timidly, but felt a flash of hurt when her smile suddenly became strained and her eyes dipped. With a shy drop of his head, he moved aside for Gaius as the Physician made his way out the door. As she passed him, Mordred caught her wrist, flinching when she instinctively yanked it away.

"Are you alright?" He asked her, eyes glittering with worry.

Merlin felt ill looking at him. His sweet manner, large eyes pouring with love and concern. She had no reason to feel this way about him, but every inch of her just wanted to blast Mordred away and teleport elsewhere. Where exactly she wasn't sure, but she knew it would have to be somewhere very far away, where no one could find her.

She nodded hurriedly and turned away, rushing out into the corridor and letting Mordred close the chamber door.

"Fine, let's go. Best not keep the prat waiting"

Pushing down the bout of hurt that gnawed at his heart, Mordred nodded and made sure the door was firmly closed before following after the maid and her mentor.

* * *

"We have received reports that there are bandits in the western edge of the forest, near Camelot's walls" Arthur announced, face hard and grave.

Elyan spoke first. "Bandits? They've never dared come this close before"

"Indeed" Arthur agreed, leaning forward and resting his arms on the round table. He looked around at everyone there, each face of his knights, his wife's, Gaius', a few members of the council, and finally Merlin, who stood off to his right, barely in his peripherals. "At first we believed that these bandits were merely being overconfident, but recent attacks have suggested otherwise. Gwaine?"

Gwaine took over, exchanging looks with his King. He had been with the patrol who first came across the bandits, and the second time. He knew first hand how strange the bandits' behaviour was.

"From what we've seen, these bandits are using weapons of high quality and their movements show they've been trained to use them. However, when we engaged them, they managed to escape both times with what appeared to be a strategic retreat. Accounts say these bandits have attacked key forts and towns in the surrounding area but taken nothing, killed no one by the knights and guards that engaged them. Their fighting is defensive, and they always retreat"

Second of command, Leon shook his head in disbelief. These were not the actions of average bandits. "They could be planning something... this close to your birthday celebrations, it would be amble opportunity to strike"

Arthur inclined his head. "Indeed Sir Leon..." He paused, his words careful. "We have reason to believe they aren't alone"

A councilman spoke up, his face as pale as his aged beard. Merlin instantly recognised him as Lord Marcus, a valuable member of the council who treated servants with more respect than most and back in the day, was one of the few members who bit back chuckles at the Prince and his maid's antics. "You suspect Morgana?"

Her name struck a chord. Silence fell across the room and the king shifted in his seat.

"That is but one option. There are many who oppose the recent changes and my rule. It will not be the first time someone has attacked me on during such a celebration"

Merlin resisted the urge to snort. When did Arthur's birthday ever pass without some sort of complication? He probably believed that there hadn't been any in a while, not since the night of his father's death, but Merlin knew for a fact there had been more since. She had dealt with birthday murder attempts from crazed sorcerers near annually: for some reason the turn of a year of life seemed to be their favourite time to attack the king. She huffed internally, they like every other probably thought they were being original and would catch Arthur and her by surprise.

"Thus we cannot make assumptions just yet. I plan to increase patrols in the area and would like Sir Leon and Sir Percival to take a first hand in watching over these patrols: you find anything more, report immediately"

The two knights nodded dutifully, and looked at each other across the table.

"For the time being we remained on high alert, whether it is Morgana or another enemy, or just bandits being clever, we must ensure the safety of Camelot and her people" The King announced in a strong voice.

A smile lifted on Merlin's face. She had to admit she liked it when Arthur spoke like a king, far too often she heard the same spoilt, pertinent voice that he used as a brattish prince. Every time Arthur's voice took that tone, she felt a shiver of anticipation for Albion: the great land she had spent the last nine years dreaming of was near, just on the horizon.

And she would have another with her. Someone totally unplanned. Someone she never expected to have nine years ago. Merlin resisted the urge to touch her belly at the sudden change in her thought train. It made her dizzy to think of herself as a mother...

Her gaze lifted and settled on Mordred, who was engrossed in what Arthur was saying. As if sensing her stares, his eyes flickered over to her for a moment and his mouth morphed into a gentle smile. Her heart ached suddenly: a strange urge to vomit and another feeling of conflicting joy.

Mordred was but a child himself. He was nineteen! What had she been doing? Sleeping with someone not even of age yet! Thinking of it made her feel dirty, but at the same time thrilled: Mordred adored her, that much was clear. And he wasn't a bad person, despite what visions and destiny wanted her to believe.

A guilty flush spread over her cheeks when she realised Arthur had finished what appeared to be a long speech, and dismissed everyone.

Springing into action, Merlin trailed Gaius out of the room, sparing only a glance over at Gwen and then Mordred, and finally Leon. All three looked on at her with concern in their eyes, and even though she wanted to, she could not be annoyed by how much they cared. They were her friends, she shouldn't shrug them off as she was.

"Bandits acting like soldiers" Merlin muttered, marching along beside her mentor.

Gaius sighed, nodding to Geoffry and then looking up at his tall ward. "Apparently so"

"You believe it could be Morgana" Merlin continued, a knowing look in her eye.

As they turned the corner, Gaius let out another tired sigh. It was then that Merlin was struck by how old her mentor had gotten: he was her uncle, but he had been just younger than her when her mother was born. It was as if all his years had suddenly caught up with him... She wondered if it was because of her... condition.

"As Arthur said, we cannot be sure"

"But you think it might be" Merlin urged, quirking her head around as they turned down into the corridor which led to the Physician's chambers.

"Merlin" Gaius said sternly, eying her warily. "Enough of this"

The maid pursed her lips and dipped her eyes. "Sorry"

A fearful rage swelled within her at the thought of Morgana. At herself, Morgause and Morgana. So much had changed in the last nine years, more bad changes than good. Once upon a time she and Morgana were so alike: both with hearts filled with love and trust, ready to help anyone and always there with a smile. Now, Merlin found it ever more difficult to conjure laughter, her thoughts plagued by dangers, and Morgana was so broken by the last few years that the old Morgana was long dead. Sometimes Merlin wondered what Gaius saw when he looked at her, what Arthur saw, what Gwen saw... What Mordred saw...

"Come" He pushed the door open and walked in, but did not sit down. "Wait here and grind these herbs, I will not be long"

"Where are you going?" Merlin asked, automatically doing as she is told when Gaius handed her a bowl and grinder.

Gaius quirked a famous brow. "To talk to Evelyn, the midwife. We need someone to confirm or disprove our suspicions and I did not want to draw attention if I brought you with me"

Merlin flushed and nodded, obediently sitting down and began grinding the herbs. Lavender and honey, with a sprig of thyme.

Once she was sure Gaius was gone, she stopped grinding and let her hand fall down to her stomach. Carefully she released a stream of magic, and jumped when something replied: a faint echo of life, not yet fully formed. A thread of magic too.

A giddy laugh bubbled out of her. Gaius need not bother. She was pregnant.

With a magical baby.

* * *

**Hope you enjoyed that!**

**And now, a small message for those wondering why Gaius hasn't asked about the father. IT'S NOT THE TIME! He's trying to support Merlin and help her gain confidence. She might not be pregnant (even though she is). She's feeling awful and depressed, making things worse by bringing up something that clearly upsets her is not going to help. It's not the time to start asking questions like those, for now Gaius just needs to cheer her up and support her. He will ask eventually, but not right now. He's being considerate.  
**


	14. Learning to Dance

**Right! I'm so sorry for not updating in so long, blame writers block and school. I was having trouble with how I was going to write two of the chapters, but decided I'd condense those two with a third chapter into one big massive colossal 5,800 word chapter for you guys to read. Again I am so sorry for the stupidly long wait and I really hope I haven't lost any of you guys from the long wait! I'll try not to make you wait as long for the next chapter, but life has a tenancy to get in the way, Grr! Anyway, please enjoy this very late chapter (which is actually three chapters condensed into one :P) and let me know what you think! x**

* * *

Standing alone on the high balcony, Merlin leaned on the wall with her hands covering her face. She let out a deep, heavy sigh and thought about the previous day. While it had gone faster than she had feared, it was filled with moment she would soon rather forget.

She'd barely slept, all but bouncing off the walls in her sudden rush of excitement at the thought of being a mother. It was real, she could feel the additional life inside her and the emotions overwhelmed her, making sleep ridiculously elusive. And, once she managed to steal a little over four hours of sleep, Gaius had woken her up that morning for an early private session with a midwife.

After picking at her porridge, Merlin had been forced to undergo an examination from the midwife, Elizabeth, so that the woman could give her the news she was already certain of. She was pregnant.

And then came the inevitable question, one that Gaius had thoughtfully left out. Who was the father?

The witch cringed as she remembered how she froze up and then exploded at the poor woman. She couldn't remember word for word what she had said, but she knew it involved a lot of ludicrous statements about being a strong independent woman who didn't need a husband, and that her baby didn't need a father because she and her mother lasted just fine without one before.

And then she ran away, leaving the stunned faces of Gaius and Elizabeth behind. Then she bumped into nearly everyone in the castle who knew her- which was a lot, Merlin was a familiar and well liked woman in Camelot- and just before she managed to get back to her chores for Arthur, last but not least, Mordred.

His cute little perplexed face. His blinking confusion. His worried words and comforting hand on her arms. How was it that someone destined to cause such strife could be so... so... adorable? The more and more she looked at him, the more and more she wondered how she had ever slept with him. Yes he was nice and handsome, but there was no sexual attraction, at least none of the attraction she felt a few weeks ago. The thought of having sex with him felt like a sin, like she was some dirty old woman deflowering an innocent yet adoring young man.

But that was not to say she wasn't attracted to him in other ways. He was indeed very handsome... very... very handsome... it was like a semi-platonic semi-romantic attraction that she just couldn't fathom into something comprehensible.

Merlin released a long whine, clawing her fingers through her hair, jumping when a light cough came from behind her.

Turning around abruptly, Merlin flushed and smiled as best she could at Gwen, who stood in all her Queen-like glory by the balcony door.

"Merlin?" Gwen questioned, coming closer and inspecting her friend's tear-stained face. "Oh Merlin, what happened?"

"Well, I'm pregnant" Merlin grinned lopsidedly, but her joking tone fell flat. Gwen's eyes lit up, although her face remained schooled. "And everything's just bollocks right now"

She slapped a hand over her mouth, eyes shocked as she watched Gwen's eyes fly wide open and her jaw dropped. The Queen of Camelot stood there for a moment, beside the balcony of the highest tower in Camelot looking out over the late afternoon light, and then her face morphed and she covered her mouth as peals of laughter came tumbling out.

Merlin stared gobsmacked as her softer, gentler friend who scolded her on the use of 'damn' and other milder profanities, doubled over with tears developing in her eyes.

"Oh, ow... Oh Merlin, gosh Merlin" Gwen breathed, finally straightening and daintily wiping her eyes. "Someone's been spending far too much time with Gwaine"

The witch maid shrugged sheepishly. "Sorry... It just" She mimed something spewing from her mouth with one hand.

Gwen held up a hand, mouth fighting a smile. "Don't worry Merlin, I have a feeling you needed it. I certainly did, all there's been is stress recently, what with Arthur's birthday celebrations tonight"

"Excuse me?" Merlin drew a blank.

"Arthur's thirty-first birthday, Merlin. Remember?" Gwen asked, still looking far too amused. "Can you believe it's been almost ten years since you first came to Camelot?"

Merlin shook her head, and then her hands shot up and violently grabbed them. "Oh by the gods! Arthur never said a thing! Ugh... How... Ugh... I have to go help them- I need to get his present ready! Have I even finished it...? Yes... No... Yes... Ugh"

Gwen, with quick reflexes, caught her friend just before the tall maid near tripped over in her urgency to get back to the stairwell. She was laughing lightly. "Merlin, calm down. Arthur didn't say anything because I told him not to. You're going through a lot right now and you don't need anything more to worry about... So instead of stressing and standing around pouring wine, you're going to attend the celebrations with us!"

Merlin stared blankly at Gwen's bright smile. "...What?"

* * *

Merlin stared blankly at the dress Gwen held in front of her.

It was a deep, dark, luxurious blue with a silver neckline lining and cord around the waist. The neckline was a wide, open window and the skirts flowed out in a long, continuous wave of ridiculously expensive fabric, and the arms trailed off into their own tails: the tips brushing the ground as Gwen held the dress up. The only thing Merlin could be thankful for was that there were no puffy shoulders on it, as Gwen seemed to like with her dresses.

"This one was given to me as a gift, but it neither fits nor suits me... I want you to wear it tonight, Merlin" Gwen told her with a sly smile.

Merlin squirmed. "It's a bit... extravagant for a maid, Gwen"

Gwen rose a brow, remarkably similar to Gaius, and thrust the dress into Merlin's arms. She pointed to the changing screen. "Merlin" She said in a low, warning tone.

Merlin could barely believe it. Gwen was taking lessons from Arthur and Gaius, she was sure of it. Her friend waited patiently with a sweet, very Gwen-like smile on her face, and eventually Merlin gave in and went behind the screen. Instantly she was struck by the sheer volume of the task.

"Gwen, I have no idea how to do this... I only wear a dress and a belt... this has got ties, and corsets and what is that!?"

The Queen let out a small giggle and rolled her eyes at her friend's antics. "Just put the dress on as you would your normal one, and then I'll come around and help you with all the ties"

Merlin didn't reply, but the Queen could hear the young woman shuffle, hop and whisper small curses under her breath as she fought the dress. To keep herself occupied until Merlin needed her, Gwen looked to her desk and rummaged through her jewelry collection gathered in the last three-years- it was astonishing how many lords and knights gave her jewelry on their visits- and selected a few examples she thought would look good on Merlin. She then chose a few for Merlin's hair, thinking up ways she could dress Merlin's beautiful raven locks. Unlike Morgana and herself, whom both had wavy to curly hair, Merlin's hair was impossibly straight, which meant that the same headdresses would not work with Merlin's silken hair as it would with her's and Morgana's thicker, bouncier hair.

"Erm... Gwen?" Merlin's nervous voice called, and Gwen was immediately at her side.

Merlin looked like a little girl in her mother's dress the way she held the blue gown about her shoulders. The back was completely undone and hanging off of her, and her expression looked so scared that Gwen wasn't sure whether to laugh or hug her. Gwen let a small chuckle escape her and squeezed Merlin's shoulder.

"Turn around" She ordered lightly. Merlin did so and Gwen fell back into her life a few years before. "I forget that you've never had to do this before, it's not like Arthur wears beautiful gowns, or makes you wear them"

"He did once" Merlin replied, relaxing into Gwen's confidence.

Gwen laughed. "That red monstrosity, Merlin?"

They both thought back to Merlin's first banquet, in which Arthur had made her wear a hideous red dress and head gown that had everyone staring at her all night for all the wrong reasons. If it hadn't been for the old Morgana's intervention, then Merlin would have worn that hat all night. It hurt to think of Morgana, but she was such an important figure in their memories that it was hard not to think of how she used to be...

"Red isn't your colour" She continued. "Not that shade anyway... you're better off in cooler colours, like blue... although you might be able to pull of orange and pink... Hmm"

Merlin panicked "No Gwen, don't get any ideas"

Gwen grinned playfully, finishing the ties and adjusting the shoulders as Merlin was holding them too high. "Oh please Merlin, now I've got going there are so many possibilities!"

The witch turned fully around and let her arms drop, dreadfully aware of the low cut neckline and how much of her chest it showed. She looked down and cringed.

Gwen shook her head and grabbed her shoulders. "Look in the mirror, looking down at yourself always makes it look unflattering"

The sight that greeted Merlin made her jaw drop. In the mirror was a slim young woman, pale skin illuminated by the dark blue like the moon in the night sky, pitch black hair tumbled down over her shoulders in a straight sheen, and her chest... Merlin had always considered herself flat-chested, but the dress somehow managed to find all the cleavage Merlin had and push it up into the right places: giving the illusion of having reasonably sized breasts. Gwen smiled, warm and fond and awed, at the reflection and then gently ushered Merlin down into the seat. The maid instinctively touched a palm to her abdomen, where the still subtle swell was hidden under the flourish of skirts.

Merlin sat dumbfound as Gwen ran her fingers through Merlin's hair.

"Your lips will need some extra colouring" Gwen mused as she played with the strands, marveling silently at how silky they were and how they slid through her fingers like water. So different from curly hair. She held it up in a messy bun. "No, you always have your hair up. Lets have it down"

Merlin wasn't sure if she was suppose to give any response to Gwen's utterances, but given she knew nothing of courtly dressage aside from trousers, boots, jacket and belt, she opted for just letting the Queen mutter away her thought train. As still as she could make herself go, Merlin sat as Gwen brushed her hair and pulled two strands from each side near her ears: Gwen then plaited each lock and tied them at the back of Merlin's head. Then the Queen picked up a sparkling silver and blue jeweled flower hair slide which she slid into the right plait.

Suddenly the Queen was crouched beside her, peering at her face critically.

Gwen pulled out a drawer to reveal several pots of various sizes. After testing a few, Gwen finally picked one out and shut the drawer. With the pad of her forefinger, Gwen dipped into the blue pot.

"Let your mouth open just a little, like this" Gwen demonstrated and Merlin copied.

The Queen leaned down and with the painted finger began to carefully dab the colour onto Merlin's lips. She paused for a moment and demonstrated rubbing her lips together, which Merlin did obediently, she repeated these actions another three times before she was satisfied.

The drawer opened again. This time Gwen went for smaller pots with powdery pastes in them. "Shut your eyes for me, Merlin"

Nervousness overcame her as she closed her eyes. She heard Gwen tut.

"Don't scrunch them!" She laughed and Merlin forced her lids to relax. A moment later she felt a pad of a finger gently swipe over her lid, and then something soft yet prickly. This was repeated on the other lid. "Wait a moment for it to dry and then open them"

When Merlin finally opened her eyes, Gwen was beaming down at her so brilliantly that she felt herself blush and squirm. This was wrong, she was no lady to be dressed up like a doll, she was a maid who lived in faded dresses and beaten leather jackets.

To finish off, Gwen tied a intricate silver and blue stone necklace around her pale neck. With the Queen over her shoulder, Merlin looked at her reflection.

The woman in the mirror was stunning. A porcelain skinned goddess.

She looked like a softer, straight haired and blue eyed Morgana.

Gwen had painted her lips a dark red that complimented the dress and her face, and implied the red neckerchief she always wore. Over her lids was a gentle dusting of dark blue very close to her lashes that ghosted out as it went up over her lid like it was evaporating. With a light hand, Gwen reached up and tucked a stray strand behind Merlin's ear, smiling slightly: it seemed it was Merlin's signature look, to have stray hairs over her face.

"You look beautiful" Gwen whispered, face bursting with joy and something all the more motherly. With a tap on the shoulder, Gwen moved away. "Come, it's time to go"

On shaky legs, Merlin got up and walked to stand beside Gwen.

Her shoes: a pair of blue pumps that Gwen also let her borrow, caught on the much longer than she was used to dress and she stumbled forward, breaking the mood completely. Gwen threw her head back and laughed, before composing herself and shaking her head fondly at Merlin.

"Oh Merlin..."

The walk to the great hall was a crash course in walking in a long gown, one that Merlin absorbed like a man desperate for water. A few servants along the way stared, most with frowns as they tried to work out who the lady with the queen was, while others appeared to be blinking back a glamor when they realised it was Merlin. Who else was so close to the Queen to be arm in arm and laughing with her so casually?

The two women paused by the doors and after a beat and a deep breath, Gwen nodded to the guards to open the doors.

Trying to steady her beating heart, Merlin let Gwen take the lead as all conversation in the room halted so watch as the Queen was announced. Everyone was already in the hall, as would Merlin had Gwen not insisted she dine with them. It was customary for the head lady, in this case the Queen, to arrive later than everyone else so that she may be formally announced and presented in all her beauty.

Everyone rose as Gwen stepped out, and Merlin could see them falter when she appeared right beside her. Suddenly feeling very small, Merlin concentrated on her steps as she felt hundreds of eyes fixed on her.

Looking around timidly, Merlin could see Gwaine grinning. He shot her an enthusiastic double thumbs up and she felt her confidence rise. She lifted her chin up and looked over to the other knights, Percival, Leon and Elyan, her brothers, and saw that each were sporting bizarre mixtures of shocked expressions and proud grins. Leon even went to clap, before thinking better of it. Lastly her eyes fell on Mordred, who was staring at her with lips parted and eyes wide. It sent a thrill of power through her. She wondered if Morgana ever felt like this. Lasting she saw Arthur at the head of the banquet, coming forth to greet his wife.

He was staring at her with lip curled in bemusement. She pressed her lips together in amusement and rose her eyebrows at him, he huffed a laugh and returned the gesture before leaning down and kissing Gwen. Surprising everyone, Arthur then turned to her, took one of her hands and brought it up to his lips in a respectful kiss.

Gwen smiled approvingly at him and swapped Merlin's arm for his. Letting the royal couple lead the way, Merlin walked behind them and could not stop herself from looking over to the knights again and grinning madly at them: they grinned madly back. She spotted Gaius and bit back a small laugh as she saw him smiling with tears in his eyes. She was not that great, surely?

And then she ruined it. Her shoe caught on her dress as she walked a pace behind the royal couple and she stumbled forward. Reaching out, she avoided landing on Gwen and instead crashed into the back of Arthur. Clinging off of him, she managed to right herself in time before face planting and straightened just as he turned around.

Everyone was silent. Merlin felt heat rise into her cheeks as Arthur stared at her.

Then a loud, boisterous laugh and a clap roared across the room and everyone turned to see Gwaine bending over and slamming his hand on the table. Not a second later the other knights began to set off, and on the other side of the room Gaius was biting his lip hard, all tears gone. Everyone else in the room stared at the king, awaiting his response.

After staring at Merlin in bemusement, the words 'Merlin' on his lips. He shook his head and started to chuckle. Merlin laughed too, her head dipping in embarrassment and her hand coming up to hide her mouth as she near doubled over in hysterics. Gwen too covered her mouth and giggled.

And there, in the hall, the golden group of Camelot: King Arthur, Queen Guinevere, Merlin, Sir Gwaine, Sir Leon, Sir Elyan and Sir Percival all laughed until their eyes watered and their cheeks hurt. The entire time the rest of the court remained startled, unsure of how to proceed. Seeing their uncertainty only made the group laugh harder.

Arthur sobered first.

"Oh Merlin" The King sighed, mouth quirked fondly. He put a hand behind her head and leaned down. Merlin stood frozen in shock as Arthur kissed her forehead. Silence once more.

A few looked to Gwen to see how she would react, but she simply placed a hand on her heart and smiled warmly at the sight before her.

The King cleared his throat, awkwardness radiating off of him, and stepped away. "Come on, Merlin, we've had enough of your clumsiness for tonight. Think you can manage walking to the seats?"

Merlin smirked at him. All was well.

Merlin sat down on Gwen's left, and on Gwaine's right. As soon as she sat down, all four men leaned down the table towards her with mesmerized smiles.

"You look beautiful, Merlin" Leon told her earnestly.

Elyan nodded, lifting a goblet. "Who knew you scrubbed up so nicely?"

Gwaine shook his head and put a hand on Merlin's shoulder. "Ah nah! I always knew there was a fine woman in Merlin"

Percival chuckled, the warm sound carrying across their private group despite the public hall. "Gwaine sees a fine woman in every woman he meets, but truly Merlin, I have never seen a more radiant lady in all my life"

Merlin flushed as all the knights, instead of laughing and whistling, agreed wholeheartedly and lifted their goblets as if his words were a toast. To her left, Gwen and Arthur were watching: the Queen with a knowing smile, and the king with a small, yet fond quirk of the mouth.

Gwaine snorted, nudging Merlin. "Ah, but none so statuesque, so pulchritudinous, so exquisitely delicate and ravishing as the Princess himself"

Laughing rumbled across the line, ending at Arthur's pursed lips and shake of head. Gwen placed her hand on Arthur's and patted it lightly.

Elyan, who was at the end of the iconic line, returned to his meal and noticed the man sat beside him was staring openly at Merlin. Masking a brotherly wave of protectiveness with a teasing smile, Gwaine's words echoing in his mind, he leaned closer to Mordred and gestured to Merlin.

"Perhaps when dinner is done, you should ask her to dance" He suggested, angling his head just in time to see Mordred's face flush, as if humiliated to be caught staring.

"I do not know how to dance" Mordred replied, talking into his goblet.

The queen's brother shook his head. "I doubt Merlin does either, if you hadn't seen the lovely display of her grace just now" He nodded to the middle of the room, where Merlin had tripped up onto the king.

For a moment the two men watched as Merlin laughed and joked with the knights, occasionally turning in her seat to include Gwen and Arthur. This was her first banquet not serving as a maid, and it struck Elyan just how beautiful Merlin actually was: and how well she fit into their line. It felt wrong knowing that at the next banquet she would be back in rags and standing behind them with a jug in hand.

As if hearing them, Gwaine suddenly asked, loudly. "So, has our lovely Queen given you any dancing lessons yet?"

Merlin looked horrified. "Oh no, no, no"

The knights all groaned. "Come on!" Gwaine encouraged. He tapped her on the nose and smirked at her. "You must dance with every one of us tonight, Merlin. Isn't that right Princess?"

Arthur looked up, now accustomed to Gwaine's nickname, and grinned wickedly. "Why yes, I do believe you're right, Gwaine"

Merlin sat with mouth agape as the knights all put in their bids on who danced with her first. Gwen tapped her hand comfortingly, but the quirk of her lips implied she was all for it too, and not at all on Merlin's side in the matter. Arthur lifted a hand, cutting off the men.

"Since I am the king, after my first dance with Guinevere, I will be the first to dance with Merlin" He announced confidently, lifting his eyebrows up at her and taking a gulp of drink. Gwen laughed and nodded.

"As King, I do feel it is his duty" She agreed wholeheartedly, her eyes twinkling with beautiful mirth at Merlin's horrified and mock betrayed expression.

The conversation eased down as Arthur gave his speech, which Merlin knew all the words to as she had more or less written it, and the hall rose for toasts. Merlin even fooled herself into believing that the men had forgotten their ludicrous vows, but as the servants came forth to clear away the plates and cutlery, and couples spilled out from the tables to the floor, she found herself staring dumbfound at Arthur's hand which was flickering expectantly by her nose.

He rolled his eyes at her, Gwen behind him was dancing with her brother, the pair deep in conversation. "Come on Merlin, wipe that idiotic expression off your face. You're a lady for the evening, which means you're required to dance"

Merlin clamped her hands on her lap. "Nah, don't fancy it"

Arthur inclined his head. "I am the king, you are my subject and it is my birthday" She opened her mouth to protest more. "Get up, _Mer_lin"

"Old man" She muttered as she slowly got up from her seat and walked through the gap the servants had pulled between the tables. It was strange to see the servants moving furniture like subtle shadows to give the dancing nobles more room, now she stood in the light she barely noticed the roles she once played at banquets. Stepping forward, conscious of her skirts, Merlin slid her hand into Arthur's and for once let him guide her.

Anxiety must have shown on her face, for Arthur leaned in close and whispered in her ear. "Relax and let me lead"

The king's hand rested on her hip, and her's on his shoulder, as they set a steady dance around the room: nobles around them moving to make room for the king. A few even stopped dancing and stood off to the side with their drinks, smiling and talking amongst themselves as they admired the royal siblings: the Queen with her knight brother, and the king with his maid/surrogate sister.

Merlin was painfully aware of the eyes on her, but instead concentrated her efforts on not catching the hem of Gwen's stunning dress or stepping on Arthur's boots- particularly after she had spent all morning polishing them. She jumped a little when Arthur inclined his head again and advised her to look at him not their feet. It occured to her then that Arthur was actually giving her a crash course lesson. His words were surprisingly encouraging and gentle, and he managed to work around her mistakes with shocking patience. Pride swelled within her as she marveled at how her king had changed. Once he was a brat, picking on servants and throwing his weight around, and now he was a king taking time aside to teach a maid to be a lady. Merlin rose a brow, she supposed he had experience now, what with Gwen.

There were only a few dancers; a handful of faceless lords and ladies Merlin could probably name given time and the Blacksmith's children turned nobles. The knights, her friends, were off to the side talking to each other with the occasional glances at the dancers, and not for the first time that evening Merlin could see Gaius watching her with a warm smile on his face.

The song came to an end, and Merlin bit back a sigh of relief. Arthur guided her into a parting bow, an eyebrow risen coyly at her.

"Now that wasn't so bad, was it?" He asked her.

Merlin shook her head. "No, it was worse"

His grip on her hand tightened as she tried to pull away and return to her seat. She glared at him as the next piece began and she could see a taunting smirk on his face. He tilted his head.

"I do believe you're suppose to dance with _all_ my knights this evening, Merlin"

Merlin's lips parted, the world 'prat' ghosting there before a tap on her shoulder made her turn around. There stood Elyan, with Gwen in hand. Merlin found herself exchanged for Gwen, and kept her glare on Arthur for as long as she could before Elyan drew her close and laughed into her ear.

"I think this is a short one, and I'll try not to step on your toes" He told her and Merlin felt herself relax. She pulled her glower away from the smug king and grinned up at her friend.

"So, how are things with you and Anna?" She asked as he spun her, their feet clumsily colliding. They heard Gwen's laughter echo past them and both looked to see her watching them over Arthur's shoulder.

Elyan blushed and dipped his head, eyes tracking their feet as she had been previously. "I have taken your advise and asked her to join me on a picnic on Wednesday"

Merlin was pleased, he and Anna made a good couple. Anna was a sweet thing, older than Merlin but her shy personality made her seem younger. She was Lord Daelyn's youngest daughter and Elyan had spent nearly a year gazing at her in the library where she worked as one of Geoffry's assistants, withstanding the knights' mocking, before actually approaching her and asking her name. "That's great. What are you going to cook for her, and give her as a gift? I seem to recall she likes purple flowers"

And that was how their dance went. Elyan eagerly absorbed Merlin's tips for the picnic; such as what flowers; what foods; and that perhaps he should give her something he had made himself, for something more sentimental and meaningful, like a personalised metal book marker. They stopped when Gwaine landed a hand on Elyan's shoulder, with much less gentlemanly behaviour than he had shown.

"May I take this dance?" Gwaine asked, offering a hand with an exuberant swish. Elyan laughed and bid Merlin goodbye, heading off back over to the knights. Merlin watched him leave enviously: why could she not just sit out and talk with her friends? Instead, she turned to Gwaine and with the same over-the-top extravagance, accepted his hand. The music changed to something more jovial, and Merlin was willing to bet that was Gwaine's own influence.

Her's and Gwaine's dance was more a parody that an actual dance. Despite appearances, Gwaine was a talented dancer and was easily able to lift her up and swing her around in ludicrous moves that had everyone staring and laughing. The pair decided to make complete fools of themselves and had a brilliant time doing so, laughing loudly the entire time. Gwaine made dancing fun for her, and for that she was thankful.

Gwaine even spun them right up close to Arthur, who had sat back down like the lazy prat he was, and winked at him. Merlin laughed and did the same. Their synchronized movements made Gwen cover her giggles with a hand and Arthur shake his head in denial, but the tell-tale grin was unmistakable.

From over her head, Gwaine nodded somewhere and with a yelp Merlin found herself being spun off and suddenly her guide was gone. Instead, a strong chest bumped her back and she turned on her heels to look up in mild surprise as Percival smiled timidly down at her.

With gentle hands, he held her and the pair made their way around the other dancers for a slower piece of music. The entire time they both stared at their feet, uttering apologetic words and smiles with each misplaced step or stumble. Like Merlin, Percival was not known for his grace and the pair were locked in a sympathetic and awkward shuffle that painfully contrasted to the confident twirls of their dancing peers. Some of the confidence Gwaine had instilled in her must have radiated off of her, as towards the end of the dance she and Percival had managed to set up a rhythm and Percival looked a little less terrified than when she'd first bumped into him.

"They rope you into this too?" She asked, wincing as his foot pressed down on her toe.

Percival quickly lifted his foot, in the process making them stumble a little. "Ah yes... Sorry, Merlin. I'm not-"

"I know" Merlin smiled lop-sidedly as the music changed once more. Merlin was clearly out of breath, but when Leon stepped up on Percival's right, she knew she wasn't going to get a break any time soon. Her envy returned as she watched Percival make a desperate dash for the edge of the room where Gwaine was laughing and teasing.

Her dance with Leon was the most enjoyable. And that surprised her.

She had gone through fear, distraction, immature joy, and endearing awkwardness so far, and apparently it was time for her to experience the romantic allure dancing had. He quickly picked up on how tired she was and set a slow, yet swift pace for their dancing. Unlike Elyan, Gwaine and Arthur, Leon and Percival were the only ones actually taller than her. Leon's frame was slimmer than Percival's, and she found when she placed her hand on Leon's guarded shoulder that they fit together like a jigsaw puzzle.

He held her in a manner that was strong but gentle; hand supporting her waist rather than just sitting on it like those before him. His face was directed down at her and she found herself looking back with a curious sensation of security and thrill building. The need to check her footing disappeared completely as she felt herself trusting Leon to guide her. Her mouth twitched into a smile, as did his.

When their dance ended, she was actually rather disappointed.

"You're a good dancer" She complimented as Leon dipped and kissed her hand: a gesture the other knights before him had forgotten.

Leon smiled modestly "I have sisters, all of which needed a dance partner that our father would not wish to castrate after"

Merlin tried to imagine at father that protective. A pang of sadness hit her when she thought of Balinor. He had been so shocked and thrilled to discover he had a daughter, and she a father. But then she remembered her rant the previous morning... She didn't need a father, and neither did her baby... Or did they?

She shook the thoughts away as Leon led her back over to the side of the room where she then threw herself into the nearest chair and hastily accepted the goblet of water Gwaine was offering her.

Arthur had said all his knights, but it was unspoken knowledge that he had only meant Gwaine, Leon, Percival and Elyan.

Gwaine clapped. "Well done, the princess didn't think you'd do it"

Merlin grinned up at him. "Of course I would, and I have... Never again though"

* * *

Far away beyond the boarders of Camelot, a witch lay sleeping.

Her lids fluttered as the vision spiraled out before her.

A darkened cave. A cool pool of water.

Three women with gray stern faces with grand, twirling staffs and heavy faded blue cloaks.

A little girl, skin a pale mocha, eyes a rich blue-brown, no older than seven. She is laughing. She jumps onto the back of another girl the same age, whose hair is a thick black mane and pale skin.

Another pale skinned girl, younger but only by a year or so, stands near them, her smile reserved and her green eyes loving.

Those green eyes turn, and look directly at her.

Morgana startles awake, launching herself to the side and hastily scribbling down what she had seen on a nearby parchment so she would not forget a single detail. This one was important: not a simple fleeting image.


	15. When I Find Out

Merlin gasped, her goblet of water dropping and spilling over Gwen's dress. Instantly her hands shot to her stomach with features twisting into a wince.

"Merlin?" Percival called, low voice alarmed. No sooner had the words left his lips did Merlin cry out again, this time she doubled over in her seat.

Gwaine was immediately by her side with one hand on her back and the other on her knee. She could vaguely hear him calling her name over the loud music. Through another swell of pain that blurred her vision, Merlin could just see Leon stride purposefully across the hall to where Arthur and Gwen danced: the royal couple paused and listened intently, and then Gwen's face became a mask of horror.

The queen flew across the room, her husband and childhood friend rushing after her. The crowds parted instantly, their whispering replacing the music, which stopped instantly.

Crouched before her seated friend, Gwen cupped Merlin's face in her hands and looked around. "Gaius? Elyan, fetch Gaius!"

The physician had retired a few hours ago, too old for such lively, youthful dancing.

With a dutiful nod Elyan raced from the room, customary red cloak bellowing out behind him. Brother forgotten, Gwen pinned her gaze back onto Merlin and called to her.

"Merlin, where does it hurt? Merlin, please tell me" She pleaded as Merlin bit her lip hard enough to draw blood.

Merlin shook her head, doubling over further. "B-Belly"

"Guinevere?" Arthur uttered to his wife as he too crouched in front of Merlin, his eyes swimming with barely concealed concern.

Gwen did not answer him with words, instead she shot him a look and he nodded back to her. With a confident, forceful stride, Arthur walked to the centre of the room and demanded everyone leave: one short nod to the knights and they were ushering the lords and ladies out. In times like these, Arthur was thankful of the silence communication capable between himself, his wife and their most trusted.

Pushing past the lines of people leaving through the double doors, Elyan led Gaius to where Merlin sat.

"Excuse me Gwen" Gaius asked politely, eyes worried yet professional as he grasped Merlin's hands and placed another hand under her chin, forcing her to look up at him.

"Oh my dear girl" Gaius whispered to her pained face. She tried to grin at him, but a searing flush of pain turned it into another gasp and a tear escaped.

The last thing Merlin saw was Mordred's fearful face just behind Gaius' as the knight stood way off to the side, as though he dare not come any closer to the tight knit group

* * *

Eight pairs of hands reached for Merlin when the witch pitched forward, her eyes fluttering closed, but only seven made contact with her.

Mordred weighted from foot to foot as he nervously watched Camelot's Golden Group fuss over the woman he loved. He watched, gnawing his lip as Merlin was carefully scooped into Percival's strong arms and was carried out behind Gaius and Gwen, their destination obviously the physician's chambers. Gwaine and Arthur were rivals in how fast they trailed him, and then marched Leon who, while his face was pinched with concern still maintained an air of professional calm that his friends' seemed to have lost upon Merlin's fainting. Finally, Elyan lagged behind slightly when he noticed Mordred standing there.

He looked at his surrogate little brother with worried eyes. "Are you alright?"

Mordred blinked at him.

"I know you hold... feelings for her..." Elyan explained slowly, although by the twitch of his body Mordred could tell he was eager to follow his friends' examples. "We should go"

Elyan's abrupt tone snapped Mordred out of his stupor. The younger knight nodded blindly as Elyan sped back to the door and disappeared around it, barely looking back to see if Mordred was following him.

With a shaky sigh, Mordred shook his head and jogged after him.

* * *

Percival with Merlin, Gwen and Gaius entered the physician's chambers, and just as Arthur, Gwaine and Leon took a step forward to follow, Gaius turned sharply around and gave them an apologetic look.

"I am sorry, sire, but I need space to work- all of you at once" He stopped when Arthur held up a hand.

"We understand, Gaius" The King stated, Gwaine and Leon hastily nodding either side of him. "Just... let us know of her progress"

The physician nodded and closed the door.

Letting out a long breath, and raking his hands over his face and under his crown through his hair, Arthur slid down the wall and laughed tiredly.

"This has certainly been an interesting birthday, trust Merlin of all people to make it so" The King said without heat. Parallel to him, Gwaine also slid down the wall and chuckled.

"Our Merlin's always been one to make things interesting, eh Leon?"

Leon smiled weakly and began pacing, his eye out for passing servants. He knew the king may not care if anyone saw him, and Gwaine certainly did not either, Leon knew it would not be becoming for anyone to see the king in such a state over... it pained Leon to think it, but a mere serving girl. They knew she wasn't 'mere' anything, however, gossip about King Arthur being weak was always unwelcome. Leon, more than anyone, knew what the fluttering mouths of the servants could be like. Who knew what could happen if such gossip reached an enemy kingdom: not only did it put Arthur in danger, and Camelot, but Merlin specifically. It still amazed Leon now that so few people knew of Arthur's weakness for his maid, his 'adoptive' sister almost.

Instead of a curious servant, Elyan and Mordred tumbled around the corner in a clash of armor and flourishing capes. Their entrance, dramatic as it was, made Gwaine bark a laugh and Arthur roll his eyes.

"Merlin?" Elyan asked straight away, eyes wide and beseeching.

"Being seen now so no news. And we can't go in, we'll crowd Gaius" Leon answered swiftly. Behind Elyan, Mordred deflated and too fell to the ground. He hid his face in his hands, but none of the older men paid him any heed, busy talking amongst themselves: trying to quell each other's fear.

Gwaine tapped his foot to Arthur's. "Princess here is worried"

Arthur snorted. "A king always displays a level of concern over the well being of his people- And I am not worried, I'm just here so I can tell Merlin what a useless servant she is for fainting at my birthday feast"

"Aw" Gwaine teased. "Upset she hasn't given you your present yet?"

Leon corrected himself. It truly was amazing that no one had noticed how important Merlin was not to just the king, but to _all _of Camelot's finest. He wondered how she was not a hot-spot for kidnappings... His fists tightened at the mere thought of Merlin being kidnapped for such means.

"I take it Perce and Gwen are in there too?" Elyan asked, walk to Gwaine and sitting down beside him.

Arthur nodded, as did Gwaine and Leon. Gwaine licked his tongue. "If anyone can help Gaius, it's good'ol Perce and Gwen"

At Elyan's inquiring look, Gwaine chuckled. "Percival knows anything and everything about herbs and medicines, his mother was the village physician and the physician for all the surrounding villages. She imparted a lot of that knowledge onto Percival and his sisters when they were growing up"

The knights took a moment to process this sudden revelation to Percival's otherwise mysterious past. The largest, and until Mordred arrived, youngest knight was the silent type and barely if ever uttered a word about his life before meeting Lancelot and coming to their aid almost five years ago.

As if listening in, the door swung open and Percival's face appeared. His face was bleak for a moment, then a brilliant smile washed over his face. "Gaius says she'll be fine, but needs rest"

A collective sigh of relief echoed down the corridor.

"Can.." Arthur gulped, composing his voice. "Can we come in and see her?"

Percival shrugged. "Don't see why not"

Carefully and with a somber silence, the knights ushered themselves into the physician's chambers. Gwen, who sat beside Merlin with her hands holding one of Merlin's smiled at them as they entered and accepted Arthur's kiss as the king came over and perched on the end of Merlin's bed.

Merlin was sleeping, curled on her side facing Gwen. She was dressed in a light, baggy under dress, her blue dress was gone, ripped down the front and tossed to the corner of the room- Gwen had frowned at that, on the contrary Gaius had praised Percival for his quick thinking but told the knight he would be the one to explain to Lord Beolyn as to why his gift to the Queen was torn to shreds- but her make-up was still in place. Her skin was much paler than before, making the red of the paint Gwen had applied earlier ever more vivid, and combined with the pitch black of her hair made her look like some masterful painting or fragile doll.

"Close the door" Gaius ordered quietly. Mordred did so, confused but compliant. For a brief moment Gaius hesitated as he looked at Mordred, clearly gauging something of importance. "Mordred... could you please bring some water from the well?"

The knight blinked owlishly and nodded, disappearing out the door. Mordred was careful to close the door on his way out.

Instead of continuing, Mordred stayed outside using his magic to listen in. It was painfully obvious Gaius was trying to get Mordred to leave, but for what reason he did not know. He concluded that he would only listen for a short time and then go get the water as asked.

"Gaius?" Mordred heard Arthur say, clearly thinking the same thing as Mordred.

Silence. And then.

"Forgive me sire, but as much as the boy is a valued member of our knights... I do not believe such sensitive information can be... trusted to his ears"

Mordred frowned, feeling like he'd been slapped. Of course he knew he was not a part of their 'group' as it were, but Arthur and the others had always told him how trustworthy he was, and how inclusive they had been of him since his arrival. Mordred could see by the faces of the other knights that he was lucky to be so close to Camelot's Golden- as the servants called them- and was in fact a source of envy for them.

"Gaius, whatever you say to us, surely can be said to Mordred too. He is one of my most trusted knights" Which was Arthur-language for one of his Golden. Mordred smiled at the reminder.

"Sire, it is not your trust I am referring to" There was silence, a wave of understanding Mordred was desperate to be included in.

Arthur spoke again. "Very well, continue"

"What is about to be said cannot leave this room" Gaius' voice had taken a stern tone, and Mordred could only imagine the eyebrow he was giving the knights.

"Of course, Gaius" Leon said after a beat.

"No one'll ever hear it from me" Gwaine affirmed.

Percival and Elyan chorused. "Me neither"

"Gaius, you know I will not say a word" Arthur said softly.

Gwen's voice was gentle, but just as stead-fast as Gaius'. "We know, Arthur, but this is Merlin and no matter what, none of you can act upon it beyond this room"

Her words confused Mordred, and from the sounds of shuffling, Mordred's confusion was shared by the other men.

"Why, is this gonna piss us off?" Gwaine crudely asked, his tone deep with suspicion.

"Potentially" Gwen replied diplomatically.

Leon spoke, breaking yet another silence that fell after Gwen's statement. "Well then, best you tell us?"

Hesitancy. Mordred fought the urge to stay and the urge to leave, ashamed to be eavesdropping on such a personal moment between a close group of friends. No, not friends, a family.

"Mordred will return with water soon" Arthur urged.

"I know all of you love Merlin as though she were your sister" Gaius said finally, and his words were followed by quick confirmations. "And I hope that love is enough for you not to judge her and to stand by her in light of what I am about to tell you"

Gwaine scoffed. "I could never abandon Merlin!"

Another grunt of agreement from the men gathered, Mordred sending his own silent agreement.

"It gladdens me to hear that" The Physician said, and by his voice he was indeed. "You all have cared for Merlin, treated her well and shown dedication unknown from knights to servants, and I hope that is something you can bestow upon her child too when he or she is born"

Mordred fell away from the door, eyes wide and jaw hanging agape. His knees gave in as he carried on listening, although for a long time there was nothing to hear.

"What?" The King of Camelot eloquently said, his voice hard and cutting.

"Merlin is with child, Arthur" Gwen whispered, her tone filled with an emotion Mordred couldn't place.

There was a crash, the sound of someone punching a hard surface. "Who's the father? I swear if anyone touched her-"

"Calm down, Gwaine!" Gaius barked. "Now is not the time to start destroying my furniture!"

Mordred didn't listen in anymore. He cut off the spell and ran down the corridor to fetch the water, head spinning as he processed what he had overheard.

* * *

Gwaine stared the physician down, fist curled tightly on the table from where he had slammed in down in anger. His face was beetroot with rage and a lesser man would have trembled in fear at the sight. Gaius however, as no lesser man.

The rogue knight looked down at his feet, only calming lightly when Percival placed a hand on his shoulder, his face tight but otherwise unreadable.

Gaius looked at the faces of each man in the room and noted the same look of fierceness in their eyes, although some more restrained than others. Arthur looked ready to slay any man Merlin had ever spoken to in seconds, Elyan had a firm grip on the back of Gwen's chair, and Leon's jaw was working itself. Pride filled him as he saw that none of their rage was directed at Merlin, but instead was _for_ Merlin.

"As for the father" Gwen said slowly, stroking the backs of Arthur and Merlin's hands with her thumbs and wincing only slightly at the involuntary squeeze Arthur gave at the last word. "Merlin hasn't told us... and I'm not sure she ever will"

"I swear" Gwaine seethed, barely able to form a coherent sentence. "I swear if any bastard lay a single f-fucking hand on her-"

He left the threat open once more, but his meaning was all too clear.

"Do you know..." Leon licked his lips, and then wiped his mouth with his thumb. His hand was trembling but he managed to keep face. "Do you if it was _willing_?"

Gwen and Gaius looked pained.

"We don't... Merlin hasn't told us" Gwen yelped when not only Gwaine, but Arthur, Elyan and Leon lashed out at once. Arthur kicked the table leg hard with a snarl, Gwaine slammed both fists down on the table, Elyan moved away from Gwen shouting out a loud, unrepeatable curse and kicking over a bucket, and Leon swung around and punched the door.

The Queen was startled, but recovered quickly. Gaius on the other hand, was pale and lip trembling with barely restrained fury of his own: he had considered it, but had banished it from his mind under the certainty that Merlin would be able to protect herself from _that_, if not consciously then her magic would have instinctively lashed out at any attacker.

Hearing it asked aloud by someone else and seeing other's reactions... it was harder to dismiss.

The sudden commotion made Merlin shift in her bed, and within seconds all anger drained from the room. Gaius felt his eyes sting at the adoration and love that filled the eyes of such emotionally stilted young men as they looked down at the woman that was their collective little sister. Many deflated, and Gwaine even fell to the ground as he had in the corridor.

"If I find out who it was" Gwaine muttered, combing his fingers through his long hair.

"He'll have all of us to answer to" Elyan hissed, his head shaking.

There was a timid knock at the door, to which Percival- with surprisingly composure despite the warring in his eyes- answered.

Mordred appeared holding a pail of water and grinning sheepishly.

"Was this enough?" He asked innocently, peering around the room and squirming under their scrutiny. His eyes settled on Gwaine, whose gaze turned from resigned anger, to blank, and to narrowed over the course of a few heartbeats. An unpleasant shiver prickled down Mordred's spine at the look and he felt his mask waver.

"When I find out" Gwaine said quietly, barely audible as Gaius thanked Mordred and directed him to place the pail on the table.

* * *

**I'm afraid updates won't be consistent and I'm really sorry for that! I've not abandoned this story and I have no intentions on doing so! Thank you to all of my lovely reviewers and followers and favorite's, you have no idea how much you all mean to me! I never expected this story to get what it's received and I hope you guys all continue enjoying what I write!**

So? Finally everyone knows! What do you think's going on in Percy's head? What do you think Arthur's going to do? What did you think of Leon's uncharacteristic outburst? Or Elyan's insight to Mordred's feelings for Merlin? Do you think he'll guess Mordred's the father? Do you think Gwaine already knows Mordred's the father from that rather ominous statement? If so, what do you think Gwaine will do to Mordred?

There will be another chapter or two after this, and then there will be an entire four month jump to get this story going. After the four month jump, things will really pick up the pace and rumours will start getting spread all over the place (Arwen and Merthur shippers, look out for some heartbreaking moments and misunderstandings to come!).

Again, thank you to everyone for being so patient and I love you all! x x 


	16. All She Needed

_Merlin is kneeling, looking up cold faced as a familiar voice calls out across the court yard. "By order of the laws of Camelot, instilled by my father King Uther Pendragon, I Arthur Pendragon sentence you, Merlin of Ealdor to death by pyre. Do you have anything to say for yourself?"_

_Her surroundings warp. Merlin kneels before a different Pendragon, and on her face a smile._

_"Arise, Merlin Emrys, High Priestess of the Old Religion, serviced only to her sisters and the great Triple Goddess" Her own voice calls, echoing through her mind. She can hear the pride. Hear the joy. Hear the smile gracing her lips. _

_She holds a hand out to Merlin, and just as Merlin is about to take it-_

Morgana gasped, catapulting upright in her bed and her fingers clawing at the sheets. Mind and heart racing, Morgana grasped her hair tightly as the final fading image of Merlin smiling up at her with unrestrained trust and fondness disappeared.

"No" Morgana uttered, voice filling with hysteria. "No, no, no, it cannot be! No! NO!"

In the corner of the small hovel, a white dragon cowers as her beloved mistress screams and smashes pots.

* * *

Merlin breathed in deeply as consciousness returned to her. Her body twisted, basking in the glorious comfort of the bed she lay in and the sunlight splaying across her face. For a moment, she didn't want to open her eyes.

When she did she frowned, straightening in alarm as she counted five slumbering knights, one waking Queen and one very awake physician, who turned around in his seat at the bench and smiled at her.

"Gods... What... What are they all doing here?" Merlin spluttered, one hand touching her stomach where she felt an uncomfortable ache. Her eyes found Gaius'.

The physician held a finger to his lips, reminding Merlin that there were sleeping people in the room. She dropped her tone to a whisper. "What's going on, Gaius?"

"I'm afraid you gave us all quite the fright last night, my girl" Gaius smiled fondly, reaching to pat her hand.

Gwen, who had been resting her head in Arthur's lap, straightened. "Merlin" She breathed. "We were so worried about you"

Merlin leaned closer to Gwen and accepted the hug the Queen gave her, all while staring wide eyed at the knights that lay sleeping around the chambers. Arthur was somehow sleeping in an upright sitting position at the end of her bed, Elyan and Gwaine were sat side by side with their backs on her bed on her left- the physician's bench on her right- Leon was humorously curled up on a stool by the door with one arm propped up on his knee and his head resting on his fist, and Percival was opposite Gaius on the bench with his head on the desk and his massive arms acting as cushions. Merlin felt her heart pang at the lack of Mordred, but she quickly dismissed it.

"Worried?" Merlin blinked as Gwen pulled away. "Is that why half of Camelot's knights are having a sleepover in here?"

Gwen hummed pleasantly, a half laugh. "No one them wanted to leave you, after you collapsed none of us did"

Merlin's head snapped around to meet Gaius once more. "I collapsed? When!?"

"Last night during the feast, it seems all the dancing you did did not sit well with your child" Gaius darkly, eying her as though she were about to drop dead. She hated that look, she had seen it directed at many patients and one or two times she herself.

Despite Gaius' stern look and the wobble of Gwen's lower lip, Merlin's face brightened into a small smile at the mention of her baby. This time, she stroked her abdomen in earnest and chuckled softly.

"I'm sorry baby, I'll try not to upset you next time" She murmured to her stomach. When she looked up again, Gwen was holding a hand to her heart with eyes filled with adoration, whereas Gaius looked like a bleak rain cloud.

"No you shan't! You could have lost your child last night, Merlin" He told her mercilessly. "The first few months are fragile- in fact the entire pregnancy is a fragile time for a woman. Promise me, Merlin, that you will not do anything so strenuous again"

The witch blinked, feeling her heart drop to her feet. She forced a laugh. "Um Gaius, I'm the king's maid I'm probably going to do something strenuous at some point. It's in the job description. Ha, and I can't just tell him 'Oh, by the way prat, I'm going to have a baby!'"

Her laughter died down and turned into a low groan as she registered the expressions on her foster sister and father's faces. Gazing across the room once more, Merlin brought her hands up and covered her face.

"You've told them haven't you?"

Gwen's hand touched her shoulder comfortingly. "We had to Merlin, they needed to know what was going on-"

"You could have lied!" Merlin gasped, looking up with desperation in her large blue eyes. "Told them... I don't know that I'd had a bit too much!"

"When else were we going to find out then, Merlin?" A low voice asked. All eyes snapped to Arthur, who during their talk and roused and was massaging a creek in his neck.

Merlin swallowed, suddenly realising how loud she had gotten again.

"I... I would have told you eventually" She managed.

Arthur rolled his eyes. "Merlin, you could be giving birth and you would have tried to hide it from us"

The witch blushed, and judging by the looks Gwen and Gaius gave Arthur, she had every reason to. The King was telling the truth however, no matter how inappropriate his wording.

Suddenly, all antagonism melted from Arthur's face and he got up, moved around the bed and sat back down on Merlin's other side- carefully avoiding Gwaine and Elyan as he did so. He then did something very unexpected. He wrapped both arms around Merlin and drew her close.

Startled, Merlin's arms automatically found themselves around Arthur's waist and her head found his neck. He held her there, his chin resting on the top of her head until Merlin felt her body begin to shake and her eyes sting. Her hands seemed to come to life as they grasped Arthur's armor- why on earth he was wearing it, she had no idea- and tears began to fall as she cried.

The witch started when she left someone hug her from behind and from their softness and sweet smell, she guessed it was Gwen. Then, a moment or so later she felt a gloved hand rest against one of her elbows. Another on her shoulder. Another on her other arm. Someone- Gaius, she recognized the tremor in his fingers- was stroking her hair and another was running the back of his gloved hand up and down her arm.

Her sobs had awoken the other knights.

* * *

In the weeks following her collapse, Merlin found herself being coddled by nine different people.

Gwen regularly sought her out with an eager puppy look in her eyes, as if saying 'I'm ready if you have any pregnancy questions!' and would reach out and touch Merlin's arms or shoulders when they passed in the corridors, or simply at random times during their unfortunately few conversations. Gwaine was on the other end of the scale, he barely ever touched her anymore as if scared she would break. She found herself missing him barreling into her for one of his signature boisterous hugs. She missed him roaring in her ear about his ventures in the tavern and the way he used to tap her nose.

Elyan was very much like Gwaine, although he had never had much physical contact with Merlin anyway, but with an edge of Gwen to it. His eyes widened a little too far and he always looked a little too pleased to see her whenever she was on the training fields. He would tilt his head in a manner so alike to Gwen that Merlin wanted to scream. Elyan looked like he would get on his hands and knees and act as a foot stool if she so passingly commented on sore feet. Leon was the same, except he didn't wait for any passing comments: just yesterday he plucked a basket of Arthur's clothes out of her hands and handed her a bunch of grapes instead- not that she minded, her craving for grapes had not faded one bit.

Percival, whenever she saw him, would give her flowers or batches of herbs telling her some obscure fact about their useful properties or an anecdote about how his mother used to use such and such while pregnant with one of his sisters. It was sweet, but Merlin did wish he would remember she lived with the court physician and was getting what was probably the best treatment in the land. Speaking of which, Gaius seemed to vary from being not giving two farts, to being a nervous father manically mixing potions and concoctions he believed would soothe an ailment Merlin didn't actually have, but might have in the near future.

And Mordred. Well, she barely ever saw Mordred. She still wasn't sure if she was angry or relieved about that. The few times she did see him he would do a rather impressive turn tail or find somewhere else to be. He once walked into a wall in his haste: although in his defense it was an alcove, easily mistakable for a doorway when only looking through ones peripherals in a hasty attempt to get away.

She'd done it before herself... one or two... maybe three times.

There was no telepathic messages. No daydreaming looks. No stray smiles and certainly no more flowers in her bedroom. The only reassurance that Mordred still cared was Percival commenting that Mordred kept asking after her.

Aside from Mordred, things were going surprisingly well considering her situation.

That is, until she started showing.

She had always been a thin girl, she'd never quite gained the same curves and weight the other girls in her village did. She had wide enough hips and a noticeable chest- a little on the small side- but she was all angles and flat planes. During the feast she had only the slightest bump, but now, only two months later, she looked nigh unnatural as her stomach protruded outwards, no longer shrouded by a loose fitting dress.

And naturally, the servants' whispers spread and soon it was common knowledge that King Arthur's dirty little whore of a maid had gotten herself pregnant.

"I heard she's the knight's entertainment when they go on those quests!" One kitchen maid hissed under her breath to another as Merlin walked away with the King's freshly washed clothes. The only sign that she had heard was the whitening of her knuckles on the basket's handles. "They take it in turns, they do"

"Oh that's foul! And I thought she was a nice girl!"

"Hm yes, and I thought our knights were more respectable than that!"

Another voice interrupted. "O I don't think they know. I bet she's got all em' wrapped around er finger, thinkin' they're the only one fer er and off she goes into 'nother man's bed"

Merlin's jaw tensed as she left the laundry room and descended the stairs. A mixture of anger and grief filled her as she fought to keep herself composed. Had her mother gone through this? In a quiet little village...

As she passed George, she scowled when she noticed his face twist into one of disgust. She stopped just as she passed him and spun around.

"Excuse me!" She growled. George turned around, nose up in the air looking down at her.

"What?"

"You- Did you just tut at me?" Merlin asked, jaw hanging now as she could barely believe it. George shifted from one foot to the other.

"No, Merlin. I did not" George told her, before making a strange 'humph' noise and spinning back around. He scuttled away around a corner and out of sight. Merlin made a mental note to tell Arthur to never employ George as her replacement again.

Her stomach dropped. Replacement.

At the rate she was ballooning, and the scare a month or so ago with the dancing, it would no doubt not be long until she couldn't work anymore. Arthur would need a replacement...

"Merlin? Are you alright?" A voice interrupted her internal breakdown. Blinking away the fog in her mind, Merlin turned and noticed Percival and a knight she might have known the name of... Dremor?

The witch forced a smile. "Of course, as alright as I can be when the prat's got me washing his socks"

Percival must have been taking lessons from Leon on how to give her a concerned look that screamed 'You're not fooling me'. The large man's eyes flickered to George's retreating back and he gnawed his lip.

"I heard that" He nodded, obviously referring to her brief conversation with George.

Merlin quirked a brow and gave him her best lopsided grin. "He's a bootlicker-"

"Don't" Percival interrupted her. Merlin was thrown. Percival never interrupted. Now it appeared he was taking lessons from Arthur or Gwaine. "Don't pretend, please. You're not alone anymore, you never were. You don't have to deal with that, me and the others, we won't stand for it and you shouldn't either"

Unable to speak, Merlin simply stared at him dumbly. The knight behind him, Sir-what's-his-face was doing an impressive job of being fascinated by something at the opposite end of the corridor.

"You see the best in people, often where there is none, Merlin" Percival smiled, tiny yet fond. "If anyone speaks out of turn tell us. Having a child is a wonderful thing, don't let people like him or those kitchen maids ruin it"

Merlin wanted to ask how he knew about the kitchen maids, but realised he didn't know: he _guessed_. Looking up at Percival- he was one of the few men she had met that she had to look up at- she could barely believe his words. And how much he'd said!

"I don't think I've ever heard you say so much, Percy" Merlin grinned, blinking back tears. Gods where were they coming from? Percival's words had hit her right in the heart most unexpectedly.

And with that his confident knight persona vanished and the more familiar bashful smile appeared on his face. Back to being the silent, gentle giant, Percival nodded to her and then to Sir Who-ever. Merlin watched them walk away, the basket in her arms feeling weightless.

A smile broke out on her face despite the glittering of tears in her large blue eyes.

She felt weightless. She felt incredible. She had her boys and Gwen, and that was all she needed.

* * *

**I'm sorry again for the long wait, exams are rolling in BUT only a few more weeks and schools over forever for me :D More time to spend on getting this story written up. So, Morgana's had another dream, and I bet none of you expected Arthur's sentence was going to be aimed at Merlin now did you!? Also 'you're not alone' line from the preview a few chapters back came from Percival, so that's two more of the previews gone.**

So... What do you guys think of Morgana's dream? Percival's words of wisdom? Let me know what you think :)  



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